Letters #2: or Why Phase Cloak Isn't Subtle At All

Fiona,

I have no doubts that by the time you're able to understand a little of what occurred before you were born, everything will have been told and re-told until the truth is a paltry walk in the park compared to the exaggerations being heralded about. This is a side-effect of being someone of legend; if you want to ever amount to anything beyond a mere hero, you'll want to have at least one or two myths being cycled about.

Still, the truth itself isn't that boring to recollect. It started out at JFK International Airport. Your mother, Anann, isn't known publicly for her sentimentalism, but perhaps you'll understand when you find someone to share your life with -- sometimes a week isn't enough time in the world to spend with someone, and you'll, say, purchase three additional first class tickets just so you can see them off. It was one of the few times all three aspects of your mother were in the same area and if it was advantageous circumstances that allowed us another's hour worth of whispered promises and private moments because of last-minute checkups, well ... that's the benefit of marrying a woman who makes the world work for her, not the other way around.

Ask Benjamin what I mean. After all, without knowing a few select knacks, you really can't get away with joining the Mile High Club without interruptions. Also, dear daughter, when you do find that someone and you get the urge to canoodle in public? Be smart enough to realize that drawing attention to yourself by going invisible isn't the way to do it -- not to mention we all had keen enough hearing to pick up on that false start. Your mother and I raised you to some standards one would hope.

The flight sparked one of the few situations where Benjamin's upbringing much like yours will be/has been and my own was a hindrance. When you're raised in an environment and you know pretty much from the beginning that you're so much ...more ... than everyone else around you; you get arrogant. You become blind to your own faults because really, dear, you don't have faults - not when it comes to being compared to mortal excellence. Benjamin's only fault during the flight was that he thought it was a solo job, that none of the rest of us could do anything to aid him. ... Fiona, if you ever bring home a man that prefers you to stay on the sidelines because you're a woman and clearly not capable of doing a man's job ... don't expect your mother or I to even let him live without some PTSD.

Nothing the rest of us could do ... that makes me laugh. One option? It seemed our newest member was someone with a head on his shoulders and as Kelly focused up and buckled down under my command to keep the crowd in control, I overheard that he could fly as well as Benjamin could. Well there you have it. Wuyi could easily keep a hold on the wing while the other two direct her towards the engine. Once there, Nikita's mind could pick out the parts missing or damaged and Wuyi's ability to transform the world would repair it. If they were harassed, I'm sure Tal could have been of some use fighting off whatever Benjamin had saw.

Another option: one of them could have checked on the damned pilots or crew members. Kelly and I were stuck watching the coach crowd and keeping them from flying out of their seats. I had thought that Ben had everything in hand... it was then that I realized that I gave my Band entirely far too much credit as the plane started to list terribly to one side and we started dropping in altitude. Quickly.

Now, Fiona, here's why in the future, I'll be telling your eldest mother why it's perfectly all right to let you learn battle tactics from Ann and video games: I remembered a gooey water tentacle thing in a console game that had Ann and Wuyi up all night with determination to beat it ... it was capable as a liquid to grab items and hold them aloft. Thinking on that reminded me of one of those vague lessons that your eldest mother thinks I don't listen to (I really don't but sometimes they come back to me in flashes. It's not my fault I found chemistry boring) that water was capable of becoming an ... oh, what was the term ... ah yes, amorphous solid. I left Kelly in control of the crowd (give the girl a mission and she'll not let you down. Another thing Ben should realize about our youngest member) and strode back into First Class to bark orders. We had less than five minutes before the plane would hit ground and I was in no mood for second guessing. Nikita grumbled but the man did as told (there was no other plan, and his confidence was as good as mine) ...Ben followed suit quick after. The two took the ropes I weaved and started wrapping them around the airline to add their strength as opposing force to the plane's descent. I had hoped Tal would use her fire to form a backwards jet stream to enable thrust against the plane's momentum but... she sent Cal out to pull up the tail. Wuyi climbed out to use giant wings to bank and catch like a parachute.

It was a sloppy plan and it showed ... but luck and fate smiled on us and we landed the plane ... relatively safely. None of the passengers were hurt from what I could tell and a babe I had lulled to sleep at the beginning of the flight still snoozed away in his mother's arms. I'll go into detail about the later events of Cairo in another letter. I want to address a personal event that occurred away from the Band.

The first is why your mother jokes I nearly got her tossed in as a prisoner of war and why she doesn't like Ra at all. Something about reclaiming stolen rights and 'thinking he could ever match me' ... I don't know, I tune the Matron out when she's on a warpath. Sometimes it's best to just allow her to rant. Less broken priceless artifacts that way. Moving on; after your eldest mother, we call her the Librarigan (do call her that if you want to wind up grounded for a year, dear) visited me through my dreams and after spending the dream state away in her arms, discussing the company's start during the few moments we weren't ... intimate, I brought her through to Cairo proper by waking up. Unfortunately this violated some terms, Ra swooped in and I knew right there where Ben's misogyny came from. After allowing the Librarigan to depart and save face, I paid for my transgression and spoke with Ra concerning the state of succession in Egypt: namely him, Horus, and Benjamin. Ra spoke that unless Benjamin was willing to follow the way of things and marry Hathor, that he wouldn't be ever able to step up as Pharaoh ...but ... we could aid Ra in returning to the throne; gaining us a powerful ally and allowing Hathor to be with the one who truly loves her and Ben with the one he truly loves (Tal).

The next night while the Band recuperated and planned on what to do, I used the ring to visit Ann. She had chartered a boat and I spent an hour on the ocean with the woman I love and we talked about you, and that day was when Ann decided to Visit you as soon as you were born so that you could grow up without fear of anything hurting you. I also learned some things about your mother that were shocking. Namely, that she was born long, long before the Tuatha ever set foot onto Irish soil, and that she herself is an immigrant to the Emerald Isle. If you have questions, ask them of your mother for I'll not betray her secrets more than that.

The rest of the troubles in Cairo deserve their own letters or I might as well just give you a novel to read. I need to prepare to visit the Matron because we had a squabble and well, I can't truly tell you the tale of how your full-blooded sister was conceived without completely destroying any and all innocence that you have. Don't give the letter that look; you marry a fertility goddess and then tell me how long it takes before they've ploughed your fertile soil.

Rhiannon.

Ever After ...for now.

I've erased and started over six times now. I promised that I'd make these entries that I still feel so compelled to do into letters to my daughter, but this one feels more like it's for my benefit. I can't ... ... cram two weeks worth of two thousand years all into one frenzied scribble of thought, but I'll try. I haven't really had a restful night's sleep since I've arrived. I haven't really spoken to anyone in my Band unless they've hunted me down. I haven't really done anything but attempt to make up for two hundred (two thousand) years of getting it wrong when I just want to get it right. I'm wearing so many roles now that demand my upmost attention that I think I'm losing myself. Mother, lover, daughter, queen, wife, advisor ... I've neglected friend enough that when I don that one it's just a confused mask staring back at me from the mirror. 

Rhiannon hasn't always been my name. It was a moniker I donned when I fled from my past last. I changed names like a fashionista changed clothes; constantly. Each name was a new identity for me that I'd bury into to forget everything. And for a while it'd work; until Anann found me and drug me back into destiny whether I wanted to go or not.

Destiny. Tal thinks the issue with Hathor and Horus is bad? At least Ben's father is letting him have that choice. That rebellion. My arranged marriage was sealed the moment I was born. I opened my eyes and locked bleary babe eyes with the ancient stare of my future intended and fast forward two hundred years of fighting and running and sadistic desire to see the other snap.

I need a starting point or I'm just going to erase this one as well. Right. The dinner party. The one that the Morrigan in her Matron guise had been planning for nights. The night I really tapped into my unhealthy desire to push Anann just that step further. She had already burned through my will to make sure that Enech wouldn't have the ability to demand anything of me because every sense would have her imprint branded over it. I ... demanded release from her knowing full well she couldn't deny it because of that dark rapacious need. She did and then promptly took me in a way that made damned sure I remembered why the Morrigu was a goddess that you prayed not to visit you - but to never step into your life. She spoke ritual and claimed me as the mother of her heir and then stalked out to leave me with that knowledge alone.

It took Ann, dear sweet Ann who's been there since the very beginning; from that first innocent kiss to now ... to convince me not to run this time. I could hear cars pulling up and Tal's voice carrying over the wind as she talked to someone in that tone that brooked no compromise and all I really wanted to do was hide. I didn't. I stayed in that room as Ann took on my appearance and covered for me as the Matron returned and apologized. Then, by the laws of the land that she and I both loved so much; she claimed me as her wife. Two hundred years of running away from fate and it finally called for it's due.

The Morrigan and I arrived late to a tense dinner where all sides were just waiting for the sword of Damocles to drop and .... suddenly? Suddenly I didn't care about Ben's childish retorts to his father for some slight or other I didn't understand (to be fair, I still don't; even with knowing the why ... but I respect Ben's decision. After all, I fled from fate.) I didn't care that my reprimand almost cost me that meeting. I didn't care that Rupper attempted to soothe his own conscious by clearing himself of all blame. -He- was the righteous one? Please. If your friends are all jumping off a cliff and you follow ... it's your own fucking fault you dash on the rocks below with them.

The only thing I cared about in that meeting was making sure that the Greeks ddin't get My Band as their fall guys for breaking the oath to protect the Shabti. They lapsed at every turn and when it came time to pay the piper? They were grasping for loans that they couldn't afford. And I succeeded. Partly. At the least, Artemis' deadly attention would be focused on the Shabti and in that I knew my father was the best choice for Kathy.

Oh, that reminds me. When we get the chance, Wuyi and I need to head down to Fruit-Flower Mountain and just spend some time with Wukong. He's a great father to Wuyi, always wanting her to see herself as awesome as he is and ... he's nutters but I can see in him what draws me so to Wuyi. 'course now we have to study on River Dragons and if Sharks can have lasers on their head. Moving on before that distracts me too much...

Then, everything changed. That final week was ... is ...where I can say I finally stopped running. The Morrigu angered my father by refusing the handfasting ceramony when he wanted it (the moment she 'got you heavy with child!' in his opinion) but then held me close under the sprawling oak and welcomed me as a Queen alongside her. She bound me in old contract with spirit and land, and ritually dedicated me to her kingdom and while it was not the unbreakable bonds of Enech, it was enough to tide us over. She gave me a ring, a promise from her to me that she'd crafted as a gift and then we talked for a long... long time.

She told me why she bought my memories and why she was so adamant on forcing the Greeks back into the war; and then when I asked her if she had moved on when I died she went quiet, and then answered. It was to free me, in time, from my duty as Kathy's warden. I ... Anann ...oh what did she say, I know I remember it. Ah:  Seven years and I didn't even touch another out of duty. Oh don't flatter yourself entirely, at some point I would... have to move on, but I didn't. Not while I knew your ghost was still down there performing a duty so vitally important. I could wait. I did wait. I dedicated myself to winning the war in your name so that I could lift the burden from your shoulders and have you join me... even if it was as a spirit. ... 


I'm paraphrasing, but there. Anann's devotion to me and... I bawled like a bloody baby and I realized why Anann couldn't Handfast with me under Enech. Not yet. Not until her vow to pulling the Greeks back into the fight and releasing me from my pact was complete. So that's ... that's why I'm going to suck down my terrible pride and act like the leader I've accused Ben of slacking off as. When a Goddess as ... powerful as Anann vows to win a war to have you back by her side,even if it means fighting it single-handedly ... well, it makes a girl feel like the center of the universe.


Afterwards, we were happy. I was happy. Sure, she kept finding perverse pleasure making sure I'd end the nights without energy; prodding at my will until I'd rebel or snark and then strip it away with a teasing smirk. Any sane person would see this as a little unhealthy, a little too possessive and obsessive and altogether bound for ruin but it's who we are. We fight terribly still but now we make the effort to fix it ... ... ... of course her idea of fixing it was caving into my desire to see her take Wuyi and now we have a lesser Queen-Consort (who am I kidding, Anann'll never let her go past Princess-Consort) and everything's awkward to balance but it's going to work out.

However, if either of them expect me to go along with the very idea that we're having more than one child each? They're fucking insane. Anann even dared to mention thirty. THIRTY! She was joking, that much I could tell through the ring's bond but ... she's a goddess of strife and chaos. And I know her. Evil wenshahariiasdasrq

[The date log of the continued draft is twelve hours after the first draft was saved]

I'm the one labeled as insatiable and she's the one that pounces in the middle of the night. Little Miss Librarian "I Have Planning That Can't Be Disturbed" likes to play that she's above all the shenanigans of her younger 'sisters' but I now have bruises and a torn nighty to prove otherwise! Can't blame her though, Nikita ...something or other arrived today and that tall dark drink of Baron Samedi's son is our contact for getting into Egypt. He doesn't trigger Enech but he's got a command about him that's intriguing -- not appealing, just ... I'd like to see how he meshes in with the band. Also, a blonde lawyer by the name of Chastity isn't  fooling anyone.

Where was I? Oh. Right. Nikita's here because Horus and Ben are so father-and-son that even though they're both dicking the other over, they're still cooperating. It's like being back at court all over again. You can hate your family, but they're still family and all that jazz. We're leaving for Cairo within two days or so to see what we can do to figure out who the hell is fucking around with Ben's sigil. It'll be good to stretch my legs again and the Nile is the perfect backdrop for Mythic's first photo-shoot. Hell, maybe I'll ask Tal to pose in that armor she's prancing around in. We may not be on speaking terms but it's hot enough to melt butter - that's all I'll say without a jealous wife attacking4539sfllasd

[Two hours later, the draft's timestamp is updated]

I'm not going to be able to walk again. Wuyi can piggy-back me everywhere. I don't care if she's knocked up too, she's not the one that's being assaulted injustly every time she turns a corner. Ah well ... I only have a night or two more to spend with my wife. Wives? ...Hah. Wimmens. I'm the pimp, they're my bitches. I should get to my spousal duty of 'shagging the wife(wives) senseless) and wait until the right moment to see if I can convince Anann to reprimand me for that little bit of cheekiness I had during the interview. She comes up with the most delightful punishments.

Letters to nowhere...

Fiona,

Well, if I'm going to have a parasitic hellspawn feasting off my innards to grow into a squaling anklebiter, it needs a name, right? Right. And it needs some ...record of what happens. It also needs to know where it comes from, sorry. That's gonna be hard. Lemme start again.

Fiona. You won't see this until I, or one of your other mothers, deem you ready to really understand what happened before you were born, and while you grew up. There'll be times when we might have to ... leave you. Keep you somewhere safe where you'll wonder why we've abandoned you and if you weren't good enough. This... those times will hurt but I hope that this log of everything that will have occurred since the very moment of your conception will be enough of a leave for your forgiven.

I assure you, by the end of this, there may be some 'ew, Mother' moments because I'll try not to go into detail but really, your mothers? Bunch of insatiable women who can't get enough of me. I hope you inherit that. Your mother's mind, but my smokin' good looks.

I'll probably be...hmm. This is harder than I thought. The relationship with my own mother, with your grandmother Fand? It's horrible. I won't know what comes in the future, but ... at this moment? As long as I'm out of sight and mind, she couldn't care more. She didn't want me. She didn't want anything to do with me, but darling ... I swear that's not what'll happen to you.

You're going to enter into a world where everyone's looking forward to seeing you. I've got nine months of you completely screwing over my body and I'm still eager to see if you've got my hair, or Ann's eyes, or if you're going to even have some quirk of Wuyi's because she's just got a knack for dealing with children in the womb.

Gods, you're going to come into an interesting dynamic. For one, there's me. Right now I'm being forced to watch a Project Runway marathon, listening to your biological ... hmm. Ok. Anann. I'm listening to Anann critquing the contestants. That's another thing. Your mother, Anann. She's an ancient triumrivate goddess who may or may not be the most mysterious woman you'll meet, but she loves you. She wanted you so much that there may have been a little trickery to spawn you. Finally, you'll have Wuyi. She'll probably be the sane one you'll get along with. At least, she's the most normal of us all.

That and you are no bastard child. In the old ways, the ways of my birth and heritage, you are the daughter of a marriage oath. A faerie marriage oath, but that's because we Sidhe are so perfect. At everything.

You were conceived during the week or so we unwound from the problems of nflitrating and destroying partly the Keeper Facility in New York. Unlike other children, I know exactly when you were created. You, my little hellspawn, were the reason why Anann had to create a fourth aspect of herself to wander around a party filled to the brim with guests that lit up any invite list. Heh, the Maiden aspect of your mother had to sneak around looking like me because, and here's an 'ew' moment for you, but a triple sexual foray with your mother when I swear the the heavens I was just trying to get dressed will always leave me unable to walk for the next hour or so.

Oh. And dear? Never give the Matron aspect of Anann, the one who'll you'll see and think is the most beautiful mother of all of us, any cheeky orders overt or subtle unless you want to wind up doing punishment. Of course, by the time you read this... and if you're anything like me (goddess, I hope you are), you'll know that little quirk by then. I apologize ahead of time.

At least you probably won't have the embarrassing nickname that we have for Wuyi. I wonder if 'Bunny Dolphin' will still ring as delightful then as it does now. Or if harpies and art studios will still be as romantic a bonding subject as it is now.

Right. The party. Hobnob of elite guests ranging from satyrs, nymphs, fauns and a delightful badger who had the most delightful accent. Anann's known for her get-togethers. Well, the Matron aspect. The Maiden (the one who'll love you the best and she'll never, ever leave you alone I can feel that) doesn't care for them. And your eldest mother thinks they're droll, but a good social experiment.

Wuyi looked amazing in her cultural dress. The rest of your mother's crazy friends looked dashing too. Your Uncle Rupper crashed out of a window when his father, Dionysus and D's guest Artemis arrived. And then, as they walked off discussing booze-induced stories, the father of your Uncle Ben arrived.

He was accompanied by a very attractive woman with a bulls-horns symbol. I knew right away who she was... Anann quizzed me on the list before hand so I wouldn't miss a guest. She's picky. You'll learn that. Well! Horus and Hathor arrived and, thing of things, demanded that Ben leave your Aunt Tal. Leave a marriage of love, for a marriage of hono--

I'm caught. Your mother's glaring at me and has stopped rattling of all the reasons why she thinks Tim Gunn is a scion of Ogam (the sly dog). I have to attend to her or she'll pout. You'll see how it is. I'll go into the boring details of the party when I've done my wifey-duties.

Before I stop though. I don't know what our relationship will be like when you read this. Or even if Anann, Wuyi, and I will be together, or even if I'm alive. But know this: Right now? Right when you're just a bundle of cells and your mother's Matron Aspect is acting like a schoolgirl crushing on the girl she's dropping frogs on? And your Maiden mother and Wuyi are crazy balls of insanity and love? And your Crone Mother is pursing her lips at the utter foolishness of drama and pettiness?

You're loved. So much.

Love, Actually

A relationship with a Goddess, even a triple-Goddess such as the Morrigan is pretty much the same as courting the pretty girl working the graveyard shift down at the corner diner. Or the affulent business woman. Or, well, any woman. There's your ups, and your downs and I'm pretty sure I just worked in a sex joke. Hah.

Even courting a Goddess who has some hand in the weaving, bestowing, and cutting of fate should be like courting any other woman. Except when fate has had a strong role in one's relationship. And fate decrees that it'll end, as it always has before.

And that's the hardest thing to accept. I'm lying here, unable to sleep because I still need to connect the past few weeks with the past few centuries. The two me's aren't much different but I can't find it in myself to really delve into my past. Not when it's killing me that Anann's waiting for me to leave again even as she clings tight to me, even in sleep.

And it's always me who leaves. I left the Isle when she first proclaimed she loved me, back when the Roman empire wasn't yet divided. I left when we reuited in Tir Na Nog, after I had been bruised and battered in my first true fight. At every moment in history, we'd collide together and it would be this whirlwind of expectations and emotions until I was departing in the cold light of morning. Rinse and repeat gods know how many times.

Even the last time, when we traveled together for a decade and it looked like fate's warning was just a howl on the wind ... it had been more of a romance that most mortal couples will ever achieve and I still left. For the last time. I don't blame her for not wanting to see rejection a final time.

And yet, seven years later ... she's there again. Waiting for me to say yes (because it's fated I will) even though she believes I'll be gone some indeterminate time in the future. I know she probably believes it'll be Wuyi who steals me this time, but she's wrong.

The journey from the Underworld to here cemented Wuyi's place in my life, yes, and I love her. But she's not my soulmate... and that is such a cheesey word. A downside to writing in English. I'll manage.

It's not that she's innocent in this, no. She's a Goddess-Queen and it took a hundred years of  my living before she could even consider me something more than... well. Her youthful aspect and I have never really had trouble . It's why I think I was drawn to Wuyi. Don't tell either of them, but they're ...entirely alike. Full of life, energy, love.

I rambled off-topic there. Mm. My point is... my point is that even though Anann thinks that this is just another notch in our shared history she's still ... gods... doing everything right. She's willing to compromise on the magazine company I'm going to found. She's never done that before; given me command. And although her reasoning for accepting it was a little ... ok, it was arrogant and it did cause my pride some pain, I didn't snap back. I did steal one of the skirts she'd been looking at (and found it back in her bags when we got home, the thief!)

Beyond that, the past few days have been magical. Between the bouts of undescribable pleasure, just basking in her company was enough to keep a silly grin plastered to my face. It'll probably turn lewd when Wuyi wakes up from the sex-coma that young Anann put her in. At least that seems to have gone well; if Wuyi can connect with any Aspect, it'll be Ann.

Anann's stirring so I'll have to reflect on my personal past later, and then once the Band all regroups, I'll reflect on that meeting too.

As to her fears towards Fate... well, the final aspect of the trio stated it better than I ever could: "You passed on from this world, my love. More than almost any other I know that when people die at their fated time there is nothing even the Reaper may do to bring them back. And yet here you are, lying in my lap, listening to my stories, and sharing my life once more."

When I ascend to Godhood, my fate will be with Anann. This I swear.

Through the Looking Glass

It's interesting to flip back through my entries and see the journey from that sleepy village along the river to standing in the center of a Formorian-held Facility. All of that adventure summed up within a few pages of the written word.

This entry isn't much different. My part to play in the finale of our mortal lives was just one piece of a puzzle that hasnt yet been completed. There isn't much to say except that I still bolt awake at night now and scramble to find where I am ... if it's safe...

I'll go back a step or two.

Things were going terribly slow in the interview. Neither Ben nor Kelly were getting much headway into our job and another voice asking questions would make it worse so I invested myself in a excellent flash game. Soon enough, the song 'Always' embedded itself into my brain and I was whispering over Wuyi's shoulder as to how she could keep the unicorn from crashing when the sound of gunfire and screaming filtered into my awareness.

After that, the whole place kinda went tits over ass and naturally, the Band split off. Ben went to go rescue Tal. Again. The woman is like Daphne, from Scooby Doo. Wuyi, Kelly, and Rupper went to snag the Scion-To-Be.

Me? I went to shut that portal down.

I have to admit, it felt ... amazing ... to walk into a room and just own it. The space before the actual section with the portal was filled with guards and it took just one sentence. One! And they were dead, shot by their comrades and allies. It was a rush. Power is ... exhilarating. I held their lives in my hands and it was better than sex.

As they laid dead and dying, I chose quite a few to return to fight for me, to block the entrance and give me warning if Formorians approached. That covered, I stepped into the portal room. Looking back, I should have recuperated, or thought it through longer, but I had figured most of the facilities reinforcements had gone to fight the 'terrorist' attack.

I was right.

They had just left their shining blue general instead. They didn't see me at first, but barely a whisper of breath from me and he was on me. His grip was a vice on my wrist and his words were like writhing snakes in my mind. I knew it would break down any mental strength I had, but I chose what I wanted to sacrifice at that moment ...

... and it wasn't my Band...

They may drive me insane. I may think none of them are worth the time of day (besides Wuyi) but they're the only people I know and we needed this win.

It worked. He turned his attention away from the trouble outside, from the Scion he had been there to collect .. and he decided to go for me instead. It's an Irish thing. Pretty young maiden of the Tuatha ... handsome Formorian. It's like Greeks and incest. It's just going to happen.

Only trouble is, there wasn't any wooing. He just took it. Took me. This wasn't a seduction, this was a smash and grab job and by the end of it, every ... ounce of me wanted him. What little there was after all of our travels? Gone. It didn't matter. Father didn't matter. Wuyi didn't matter. Being alive didn't matter.
He mattered. Balor was what I lived for. He was what my body needed to thrive. He commanded and as his loving servant ... I obeyed. 

I know... gods... the past few journals have been... little more than angsty endevors into my 'life' but this... this monster had me quivering to please him. I'm just grateful he was more concerned about bringing me 'home' than seeing what the hell had upet his plans. That's... lovely, isn't it? And who says a pretty face can't change a war?

I joke now, but that pretty face? My pretty little face all tearstained and wide-eyed with blind devotion, with bruises on my wrist and my mind out of this world ... that sight was enough to shock me into reality again.
I didn't love him.

I loved... love Wuyi. I think I loved Anann. He was just some blue-skinned bastard who was in my way.  So I drew 'my love' down for a kiss and I put my all into it. I poured every passionately cruel thought I had towards what he'd just done and I slashed at his heel with the tidal current of my dagger.

It wasn't anything fancy. But it was enough to throw him off balance and back into the portal. He still held me but suddenly Wuyi's right there shouting my name and stabbing him with her spear. She also made a choice that day. She chose me. She chose me and I will never forget that.

We fled through the facility, running as the place came crashing down around us. I carried Wuyi up the stairs and did a slide under a Keeper. My long hair, one of my crowning glories, turned out to be a hinderence. As Wuyi cracked the floor under the Keeper, the thing grabbed onto my hair to keep from falling five stories. I didn't even need to scream ...Wuyi was there with the dagger, shearing off my hair. Then it just ... all flew by in a blur. Rupper was there and yet it was Balor asking me where we needed to go. We jumped out the building and down the wall and it's Balor standing there with a black eye and scratches on him asking us if we wanted a ride out.

He uses whatever voodoo he holds to transfer us into a crashed pile on top of a elegant bed in a bedroom that only European royalty could boast having. The librarian aspect is there, eyeing our damage... and then nothing. I just closed my eyes and waited for the day to be over.

When I had the chance, I avoided everyone, Anann included, and disappeared to head down to the poolside. I spent the first few hours in wrenching sobs about what happened at the portal. I resolved to never speak of it to anyone except Wuyi... and Anann, in time. And then I just... started to write. And write, and then continue writing. There, with my element surrounding me ... I wrote, well... this. The last hours have been nothing but retrospective knowledge and now it's time to claim my memories from Anann.

I'm ready to fill in the Missing Pieces.

((OOC Interlude))

I've been asked by a few people what I listen to when I'm getting into Rhiannon's mindset. Figured I'd throw up my playlist for her, a few are new additions thanks to Iry broadening my musical horizons.

Without further ado!

1.) The White Queen - Nox Arcana
2.) 100 Rounds The Bends - Missy Higgins
3.) Secret - Missy Higgins
4.) Steer - Missy Higgins
5.) Butterflies and Hurricanes - Muse
6.) Desert Rose - Sting
7.) Long Road Out of Eden - Eagles
8.) Night Ride Across the Caucasus - Loreena McKennit
9.) The Old Ways - Loreena McKennit
10.) Rolling in the Deep - Adele
11.) Rev 2:20 - Puscifer
12.) Whiskey Lullaby - Brad Paisley, Alison Krauss
13.) Love You - Jack Ingram
14.) Tie Up My Hands - Starsailor

The ones recently added thanks to Iry:

15.) I Will Follow You Into the Dark
16.) All I Ever Wanted - The Airborne Toxic Event
17.) Sometime Around Midnight - The Airborne Toxic Event.

There's actually more, but it's mostly instrumentals from soundtracks and Nox Arcana (I suggest checking them out, they're good!)

Keeping up with the Formorians pt. 1

You know, for the aspect known for her mind ... I'm sure the Morrigan wasn't thinking straight when she allowed Ben access to a credit card to buy whatever he wanted for our mission into the Keeper's Facility. Or when I got a hold of it for a new wardrobe.

Sure, I got the one suit ... and then paid for the rest of my purchases. Where did they go? I'll explain that in a moment. I intend to survive this and start wearing the thousand dollar suits again. You can't just fall back onto Walmart brands when your last cashmere scarf was as soft as a cloud.

Oh. Picked up a tablet too. Top of the line. After all was said and done and I was content, the librarian aspect (I have got to give the three names or it'll get awkward, I'll explain further down too.) showed up and arranged for the wardrobe I picked out to be sent 'somewhere safe' until our mission was complete. She then encrypted the tablet, took back the card, and headed off, managing to miss Wuyi's return by seconds.

I really hope she meant it when she said 'buy whatever you need'. We'll see!

I know, I know, Wuyi and I in a department store and we're not canoodling in the nearest booth? There's a reason. We fought. About the "sex curse" the Morrigan put on her because of whatever history was between them both.

Oh, and the obsession the woman has with me but that's... later. I'll go into that later when I get more answers. Where was I? Oh, yes! Shopping and discussing the sudden screeching halt on all sex-related fun times between Wuyi and myself. This is purely selfless. She doesn't want to sleep with Kelly, or hit on Tal. All right, there's a little bit in it for me. I don't want Wuyi sleeping with Kelly.

And it's because it's Kelly. Not because it's Wuyi sleeping with someone. Sex is sex. A curse isn't going to instantly make you fall in love with someone. However, give Kelly the right time of day and she'll take it wrong. And it'll blow up. Kelly doesn't deserve having false hope built up only to be crushed. Wuyi doesn't need that complexity. I don't need the drama.

We settled the geas issue with dialing it back to courting for now. I'll figure something out when it's no longer enough.

What else? Ah. Right. The Morrigan. Anann. Whoever. I took her offer. I swore to be devoted and faithful as long as she promised to never harm Wuyi. ... unfortunately a 'sex curse' doesn't count as harming. It's actually a boon. Wuyi's skills will be top-notch now.

Why did I agree? I look back and I can't... ugh. It was Rupper's fault. I may only have enough residual memory to fill a teaspoon but I had enough to stake my fucking claim when someone makes a move on what's mine. ...and that was totally creepy, but it's the truth. He moved in and I didn't want him to.

I thought I was happy with Wuyi and at first sign of trouble, I commit myself to another woman before her. I am a piece of work sometimes. I need to write the book on 'True Love: How to Show It". Fuck. Whatever.

Anann and Ben talk about the details of the 'How to Infiltrate the Formorian Base' plan while another one of her... the librarian that fuels every fetish of every schoolyard boy (and girl) strolled into view. She handed us the credit card, the passes to get into the base (reporters, clever.) and set up arrangements for the horses.

Afterwards, we all had three hours to do whatever. The Morrigan wanted to talk with Wuyi, and I needed to deliver the horses. Easy. Goddess, I only wish.

I couldn't... talk about it then, with Wuyi. Or to the others. Until the world ends again, all they'll know is that I went to drop off the horses and I want it to stay that way. I don't... it's... fuck. Hard to type. Give me another death in the family. At least I can pass the anger off to someone else. Blame someone else.

I screwed up a few days ago with the Smiling Man. I foolishly made a deal with him that was terribly lop-sided in his favor. He just gives off a dangerous aura, but I wasn't thinking straight.

He came to collect. After I dropped Fabio off.

There wasn't anything physically troubling. He was as 'charming' as always. But I don't think he was going to take 'now's not the time' for the answer again. I panicked. I tried to stall for time but it was useless. Who the hell would know where I even was?

Sex is sex. It's a natural itch to scratch and that's never bothered me until now, when I'm faced with going through the motions with someone who terrifies me with what he could do.

Then I noticed the birds. Ravens. Crows. I can't tell the difference. They started gathering more and more around me. Around him. And then? Then they attacked. three dozen crows pecking at eye and skin is a disturbing sight but they scared him off. One of them, the largest, most elegant looking one ... locked gazes with me.

I don't know what to think. Wuyi swears she's crazy, and a stalker, but she just saved me from a very unpleasant experience. Add that in with Wuyi ranting up and down about how the Morrigan said she and I were meant to be together, that we lasted the ages ... I don't know.

It's confusing and I have literally nothing to go on but the spur of the moment. The here and now. And I'm not sure I want to keep going on empty. I need my memories back.

...

I need to talk to Anann. I'll record the events in the facility when that's done.