Tuesday, August 7, 2012

Love to Love You, Baby

[Transmission Start]

Rhiannon: Where exactly did you find a recorder in Iteru?

Rhia: *laugh* I liberated it from Becca. Don't worry, I distracted her with a huge pile of doritos. Anywho, why are we doing this again?

Rhiannon: Blackmail.

Rhia: Blackmail? Against who? It's just us three here -- *voice cuts out as a violent crash sounds in the background* Oh. Right. Anann, I take it?

Rhiannon: We need leverage and this is the only way to record what has occured here without Rhiann finding a way to rewrite the truth.

Rhiann: I am going to murder the both of you! You cannot even begin to understand Hathor's beauty --

Rhiannon: See what I mean? Blackmail. Now. We will start at the beginning, when we arrived onto the Prison Barque.

Rhia: Right! Right. Uh, lesse. Oh! Set was stuck, literally, on this huge throne of spikes and doom and it probably wasn't comfortable. Horus was brooding, like always and Hathor was --

Rhiann: Hathor was conveying the gentle comfort that only she can provide.

Rhia: *silence* Yeah, let's go with that. Moving on! I think they were sentencing Set for traitorous activities. I wasn't paying attention... Kelly was attempting to -- *cough* Uh, moving on. So! Horus was grumpy because Hathor offered us baths (which we needed like... woah!) and then he decided to join us in the baths which is... kinda awkward.

Rhiannon: He is a Sun God and we have our fatebindings.

Rhia: Mmmhmmmm. Uh, ok.. baths, Set, oh! So Rhiann decided to stick behind in the interoogation room to see what the hell Set did and Rhiannon and I covered with being amazingly sexy. I mean, I'm looking at you-me- right now and I want to just--

Rhiannon: Rhia!

Rhia: What?! Oh. Fine! Jeez. So, while Horus is giving us a personal massage under the waves in comes Wuyi and she must have had a brain implant because she was actually thinking and making sense besides fighting, fucking, and futzing? Is futzing a word? What?! Stop glaring at me. So Wuyi's talking like she's not Wuyi and suddenly Kelly takes off like a bat out of hell!

Rhiann: Please. She was furious because she couldn't accept the fact that Hathor chose me and while we were finally together in comes the lot of you.

Rhiannon: Unfortunately, Kelly had returned not too long after fleeing and told Horus that you, Rhiann, had mind-whammied Hathor. ... did you mind-whammy her?

Rhiann: She was going to try and make me forget the depths of my affections for her. I had to take the chance.

Rhiannon: So, Horus believed we had compromised Hathor and attacked Rhiann. We survived, but we wouldn't survive another hit so we all left to Sekhmet's barque and I think she's going to collect Ra and have him undo on Rhiann whatever Hathor did.

Rhia: That covers it! ... though I was hoping Horus would pierce us with his, y'know, natural sword instead of the golden khopesh! I think this is up there with the exploding potatoes.

Rhiannon: Right. That is about all that happened and now we have it on un-corruptable record that Rhiann was love-sick for a Cow Goddess.... ok, Anann's a bovine-goddess. I suppose that means you'll have to do what we say if you never want Anann to discover this and punish you.

Rhia: *trails off into evil giggles*

[End of Transmisson]




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