Humble Pie Isn't So Tasty After All.

Ever since we left the paradise of Mag Mell behind us, I've been reflecting on the words my grandfather said to me.  You didn't come here for my benefit, Rhiannon, you only came here to help yourself first and foremost. The only one you have ever loved is Gentle Annie and you've both got tempers to match. You're my grand daughter and you've got a decent heart in there somewhere but you're not going to trick me into shattering whatever pull Enech still has upon me.

I can write this as my other half rests in a restless slumber, the cold wind, the weight of the task ahead, and Lugh's words keep me from true rest. The soft press of Anna's feathers against our cheek isn't enough to keep the thoughts at bay, nor is the shared dream of Wonderland sweet enough to lull me fully into the world of dreams.

Even here at the mansion in Dublin, tucked between the sprawled, snoring Maiden, and the possessive embrace of the Matron, I can't help but put pen to paper and just work out the jumble of my own thoughts.

Grandda was right. My previous life's path and the path I had easily stumbled back onto after Elysium was simple enough since I took off from Da's ranch more than a thousand years ago. I came first. In everything. After our reconciliation, Anann overtook that. She came first. She still comes first. You can't woo a goddess and not wind up under her spell.

I don't want to lament on my own faults, but Prometheus' warnings against pride weren't just advice. It was a reminder of my own folly since I was visited. It had nearly made me prisoner in Mag Mell for eternity and it set upon me Bres the Beautiful as an enemy who would be happy to see my skull broken under his boot once more. The argument before the Vanir was more than enough of a final nail in the coffin of my arrogance. I may be a lady of the Tuatha. I may be a Queen due to my marriage to Anann. I may be the daughter of Mag Mell's favorite prince … and that means I should never lose Face as I did in that fortress. Not again. I've got my place in the pantheon to start thinking about. I've got my plans to assure that Balor never sees divinity (mine or anyone else's). I've got my daughters to think on. And I've got Wuyi.

Wuyi, who I have offered to join the Tuatha officially. My Grandfather, Lugh, would confirm her bravery and skill, and Anann (though grumbling) would probably support her claim as well.  She asked to think on it, and so I'll let her think, but I'll make the offer again after we're done with meeting Loki.

Anna says to wear red, that the color is his favorite. She teases that she'll have to peck at my ears if he woos me, but I told her not to worry. I had standards when it came to men, after all! Still, I have a feeling between having a daughter of Odin with us now (who I positively adore. She reminds me of Caoihme, an old… old friend) and the fact that I'm alluring enough to have Loki come sniffing around if I start asking for him … we'll have our meeting with the Lie-Smith.

His task will be just as unpleasant as cutting down the Golden Apple trees but his task would not be for the Titans. It would be a trick that would have us looked upon with wariness, but not resentment. One way or the other, we will have Artemis' first strike against us … while we're essentially on Prometheus' task and that should be enough for a strategist amongst the Greeks to use that to get their pantheon back in the war. They all can't be so content with twiddling their thumbs.

Plus, now that we have rescued a daughter of the Vanir, and the daughter of Odin … it would be terrible to go chop down the garden. Not after Vana came in and was the Queen that I should aspire to be. ...but with a little more seduction added in. I'm not a mother hen, after all. Mayhaps the fight between Tal, Benjamin, and myself was meant to be. Without it, we would have continued on battling the Eagle Warriors who were still pinning us down in the fortress and left her behind.

With that fight, we were able to bring rest to the Vanir ghosts, watch their last stand one more time, and bring Vana out of her thousand year slumber. Fate, mysterious ways. I should know, I'm sleeping with her. 

Personal Musing #4

There isn't much to say about the issues going on up north with my other aspect. Not really. Well, minus the attack by the Eagle Warriors that ended in an orgy on their account due to a miscalculated order. I'll make sure next time that I give them orders that will go around their foolish devotion to the Teolt Sun God.

I don't care if Tal says they're attacking on her father's orders ... they're attacking -me- and I'm not too keen on that. If it hadn't been for luck, I'd be dead. Well. A part of me would be dead and that's still not a pleasant ideal. Those Eagle Warriors come back to me again, I'll raise them as servants.

After the battle I got to have a little bit of a talk with the Vanir that led into a blow-up with Tal and Ben. Half of it wasn't even worth anything but finally ranting at them. That done, Wuyi was then possessed by some ancient ghost and Kelly was given amulets that induce true loyalty.

I'm so tired of falling into someone else's plan. I just want to stride out into the open and demand Artemis meets us in fair challenge. It's implausible, but ... a nice thought.

~Rhiannon

Personal Musings #3

The writing in these letters is frantic, almost worried. The loops are loopier, the crossed t's seem to tear through the page, and it's obvious how much force was used when the words were sketched down.


When we were waiting for Tal to pick up a trail to find Prometheus, I asked Fate some answers of my own. I ... Balor scared me  was concerned about the Keepers being at Cairo and so asked why they were there. Namely, I asked about Balor's long-term goals ... and they concern me.

He wants me to succeed. He wants to help me rise to divinity. It is within his best interests for me to achieve apotheosis and by doing so ... he will claim my body and mind for a second time and ask that I had my divinity over to him and ... if Mystery is truthful ... this will succeed if I do nothing to prevent it.

I need to prevent it. I cannot ask Anann's favor in this. She has to stay as... in the dark as she possibly can and it kills her to leave me on my own. Do you know... I . She trusts that I'll do what I can. I have brought Wuyi in on my mission and so while the rest of the Band follows Tal, I will switch Wuyi and Johnathan and let Wuyi come home with me. Then we will head to Dublin and then into Mag Mell where we will rescue my Grandfather, Lugh.

Lugh's my best shot at defeating Balor before he comes for me again. Wuyi's mad that I don't have faith in her but Fate doesn't lie. If I don't ... if Lugh doesn't agree to help... No. I can't think like that. I'll keep a straight, strong facade until I know for sure I'm safe.

I'm terrified.

Letters #4 or Listening to the Voice of Reason

Fiona,

You'll obviously had heard tale of how Wuyi and I snuck into Mag Mell underneath the nose of the Morrigan and Manannan only to be captured by Bres the Beautiful and the Formorians. While the rest of the Band travelled North, Wuyi and I proved our worth. It was... glorious and exciting and I think Anann still refuses to hear it without grumbling.

What this letter is going to address is that one should always, always heed caution when another Bandmate voices a concern. Even if you disagree with their assessment, keep their worries in mind for they may have insight that you lack. Take for example our first meeting with Prometheus. His smug questions about pride and the follies of it fell on the deaf ears of Ben, Tal, Wuyi, and Kelly. They heard and then promptly forgot Prometheus led us to a tomb of the Vanir and offered them power.

Power without an obvious price. Even when I had voiced out loud that Prometheus would attempt to exploit us, they heeded nothing of my words of wisdom and I fear that has signed them into a terrible plot to truly betray the gods. They were given the divinity of the Vanir, and yes, this has increased their legend ... but in return it allows them to wield the relics of the Vanir to proceed with Prometheus' plot: Removing the Gardens of the Vanir. The Greeks call it something else entirely but it is the same place: The Land of the Golden Apples. You would know the lore behind it: It is the Garden where the Aesir pluck the fruit and thus continue staying young and immortal forever.

One wonders if the same applies to the Greeks.

Regardless of the Lore, it is a sacred grove of a pantheon known for their ties to the land. If the Band follows through with the request by Prometheus... well... then they truly have sinned against the Gods and turned two pantheons mortal. Yes, they would have rejoined the fight but at what cost?

The second part of this letter is so I can voice my own internal dilemma. Do I tell the Band of my fears and listen to them scoff and scorn... or do I let them continue down the path of recklessness and thus be as guilty by inaction but the lesson learned in their minds to -listen- when someone gives warning to pay heed?

You already know the choice I made, this being given to you far in the future, when you're ready ... but I envy you that knowledge right now. If I tell them now, they learn nothing, and the lesson does not stick. They will continue to blunder and simply wait for me to right their wrongs without care. But if I do nothing ... they will learn the price of Pride and yet ... condemn the world with their folly.

I hope there is a third option, and my fears are nothing more than speculations upon a never-occuring scenario .. but Fate has never been that kind.

~Rhiannon

Personal Musings #2

It's amazing how one night can drain away all the negative energy from you. Add six more nights with a constant whirlwind of romance and friendship with my wives and ... well, Wuyi's neither my wife nor my Concubine. She is my Magpie though. I seem to have a thing for the avian divinities. I nearly married a falcon god, I am married to a raven goddess, and my mistress - and her concubine is a magpie.

Although Anann promised us to keep what happened at the mansion silent, I can say here at least that it was enough to allow me to reflect on my own faults and a reminder that for all the bitterness I have towards Tal and Benjamin, they are currently my best path for succeeding in my own life and so I should probably put to use my bardic skills and try to pretend to be likable.

Ugh - it all stems from the disaster as we fled Cairo. The trouble with having a couple in the Band that does nothing but telepathically speak to eachother means they leave the rest of us in the dark and then expect us to follow their lead -- then get furious when we don't. I'm currently giving only half a full mind's awareness to this quick ramble because I'm so angry with their actions and my own during the sewer fiasco.

Yes, we stopped Set, Ra's... Aten's.... WHOEVER'S plan to get Horus smushed. Yes, the cherubs nearly killed me. Twice. Yes I could have not snarked at Tal but she deserved it for being such a witch to Wuyi and ugh. It's over and it's done and I'm glad we were out of there before Balor could do more than smile and nod at me.

During the week, Anann showed her softer side and as we renewed affections towards eachother while Wuyi, Ann, and myself all did other things ... she had me swear to Enech that I would guard myself more carefully from now on. Wuyi is perfect at that, she can be with me wherever we need to go for the Band.

This.. I should dwell more on what happened. And I will. Later. Now my other aspect is approaching Promethus' castle with the Band and ... I don't know where we'll go from here. I, myself, am going to find Anna and the two of us will take a nap together and within the dreams, she can teach me how to be a dragonborn.

~Rhia

Personal Files #1

Tucked among various boxes that are stacked neatly in a storage room in the New York Mansion with labels of 'Dublin 1902' or Madrid '1745' is a small leather-bound journal with a symbol of three argent swans emblazed over alternating stripes of azure and argent. Unlike the bundled letters, or the jumbled notes, this seems to be a personal item for Rhiannon. Opening the pages, there's entries that date back a hundred years.


I need to schedule my sleeping schedule so my dreams don't invade reality. It's an odd statement, I know, but Anna pulled some trick and now there's two of me who wander the world sharing the same mind, thoughts -- it's bizarre to be both in Cairo underneath the not-so-gentle paws of Sekhmet and in New York spending time in Anna's personal library while she works on her theory crafting and I catch myself up with the knowledge I've lost over the years.


It... was a gift of sort. It is a gift. It's a blessing that enabled me to safely do my job in Cairo, get my magazine up off the ground and then come home and have Anna, Ann, or Anann waiting for me; just like I wait for them. It stemmed from a horrible fight that Anann and I went through that wound up with pictures of me burned on the carpet of the West Wing and me wondering if I could ever talk to her again. ...the make-up sex was worth it and I think we hit a new stride. Our new stride. I've come to wonderful accords with Anna, and with Ann ... it was Anann who was so much like how we were before -- now we're on a new path as well.


Still, though I promised each of them I wouldn't be the perfect mask ... I still have the dreams where they wake up and realize they'd preferred the perfection all along. And because now that there's two bodies, one mind ... when one body sleeps, it dreams and those dreams infect my waking hours.


It's partly why I couldn't truly keep an eye on Tal during the time Sekhmet bestowed her human sculpting gift to the rest of the band. I was too busy living through nonsensical logic and heartache that when I finally snapped out of it, Bast was diving into the water, Tal was blowing our secrets and Wuyi was. ... being so fucking perfect that she took Sekhmet's attention and I was drug off into a sexual liaison that was half murder, half orgasm. Poor Wuyi got the brunt of it, but there were times that Sekhmet glutted herself on my lifesblood until the world turned shadowy and grey .. .then she restored me to full glory.


At the same time, I worked cruel puppetry to fix the mistake I made by slacking off during the barge meeting. I spoke with Tal first and it's hard to me to say how much was acting and how much was the old friendship we used to have. I... played to her own desires and needs and when that threatened her marriage with Benjamin, I made sure his focus went from what he wanted to what I want.


The dreams that night was a montage of cruel, chessboard anthologies that left me heaving my guts out in the mansion while Ann stared worriedly on. I shook it off and crawled into Anna's bed that night, feeling Ann sidle up on my other side a moment later while the sounds of Anann working some scheme or other hovered from the desk because I don't think any of the three wanted me our of their sight that night.


At the same time where, in dreams, I was dressed as the Red Queen ordering the cards of my Band to paint the roses red; we trudged through sewers and ... ... my need to be the leader came into play. I gave Ben one final choice to lead and it got us stuck in a potentially collapsing tunnel with cultists closing in on us with no real chance to escape. ... but that's a tale best left for Fiona's letters.


....Benjamin was right; I am cold and manipulative... and I don't really care. Not when it comes to anyone but Wuyi and the Morrigan. Everyone else is a piece on the chessboard and I will sacrifice them in a heartbeat if it improves my stance. I make a terrible friend...but gods protect them if they think to make me their enemy.


~Rhiannon, 2018

Letters #3: Seduction for the Greater Good...

Fiona,
One of the lessons I had to learn growing up was that a woman's greatest strength was her mind. Yes, coming from me (a woman know to be as vain or more-so than the peacocks that strut through the gardens) this seems odd, but it's a lesson you'll need to learn to survive. You are a quarter Sidhe so you'll find that you have a ....knack to blend into any gathering, any event. This applies to lovers, friends, and negotiations as well. Perhaps you won't have the impulse as strong as I do, but it's there and you need to master it.


When I was young, Anna fostered me. Oepdial complexes aside, she molded my impulsive, fickle nature into a weapon that could be used anywhere. When I sat as the Queen's lady-in-waiting, I was the perfect example of a young girl. When I was set with the sprites of the valley, I was a fickle spring breeze. When I was expected to be someone, I became that someone. Anann sharpened that wit further and I use it now knowing that where others are great with spear or sword, I excel at being whatever they want me to be.


When I needed Benjamin to listen to the plans that Anna wanted us to go towards, I knew that seducing him into agreement wouldn't work. Despite his misogyny, he listens to Tal. So I turned to her, I smiled, I flirted, I batted my eyes and used the blood orgies of Sekhmet to draw her in like a moth to a flame. She dangles now by a thin thread to become mine as I please and that ...threat spurs Benjamin to finally take action. We will finish our tasks in Cairo and then continue on our plans to contact Sinmore or the Agents of Gaia.


Where I am the cherished friend to Tal who could be so much more if I crook my finger just so, I am the new companion of Sekhmet. Something's wrong with her, the ritual of Isis must have drained her of her legend somehow; but she favors me and that works in our favor. If I remain the perfect companion, I will have a deadly ally to use in whatever war I see fit. I charmed her after the fight in the sewers, and I will continue to charm her for as long as it's needed.


This comes with drawbacks. I hurt Wuyi, scared her when Sekhmet and I orchestrated our own version of a Wild Hunt and fell into a sexual frenzy after the slaughter but Wuyi stepped up to the plate and molded herself to the situation, to be what she needed to be, knowing it was the best way to get what she wants in the end. I shattered some of her innocence that night, but she stepped right past the broken pieces on the road to being such a dangerous and mature woman. 


During this hazy, nebulous time in Iteru where a day feels like a week and an hour all wrapped up into one, Anna expanded my mind until my Sidhe nature grew and stretched and was given an endless mental playground to sate my curiosity -- much like she'll teach you. Now I can focus on six different things all at once and not have to worry about losing track of whatever is set before me. She also drew you away from the front lines of the war, and assured that our plans did not harm you.


Rhiannon

Hurried Notes #1

Stuffed into the notebook are pages of elegant longhand writing, some written in odd languages, others merely sketches of half-finished thoughts and drawings. They're bundled with a green ribbon with 'Cairo, 2018' scrawled over the top sheet.


All right, I need to write these down before they're no longer fresh. Some are irrelevant as of the writing, but still... best to have accurate records. The thread of fate that ever-spindles on from the spool Anann gave me has a little of her prophetic powers but as I'm not one for deciphering the future, it helps in the here and now. I asked these questions as we stood in the ritual room blocked by the magical silence.

1.) Signification of the sacrificial room.
A.) A prolonged spell of sacrifice.


Note to self: Direct Tal's next conversation with Fate to further narrow out reasons. Probably should have asked further about sigils but ... hey, earning the favor of Sekhmet? Priceless. Ok, ok. Mystery-Thread. Isis set up that room to keep Sekhmet loyal by keeping her drunk off the blood of sacrifices. Nothing too untoward there, but hey, it's because otherwise Sekhmet's loyalty would revert right back to Ra. So Isis keeps her drunk and gorged on blood and Sekhmet doesn't -- can't -- interfere with her plans.

Wasn't able to get too deep into Isis' plans but I was able to establish that they don't deal with Benjamin or his sigils -- which are, by the way, are being used to lure him back to Cairo to put him on the throne. Fun! Maybe see Hathor again. Sweet girl, terrible situation. Will try and reach out to her, give her a friend to talk to. Can't seduce that one -- would end in heartache as would have to make her fall in love to leave her fatebound role.

Reminder: Ask Kelly if she can help me locate some flawless emerald. Need to begin on physical part of Ann's/Anann's/Anna's wedding gift. Anna's putting a constellation in the sky for me -- I have to find -something- to even touch coming close to that.

Enech's burning for Sekhmet in a way that one shouldn't be lusting after blood-drenched warrior god.... oh who am I kidding? The frenzied, blood-splattered warrior goddess type is completely my type! Any time Anann bites hard enough to bruise, I'm just a puddle. I wonder if I could ask Anann if we can dabble some more and see if I'm related to a redkap - or if she's the basis for them coming into being. Hmmm. Or Ann. Can't ask Anna. She's too sensible for that sort of ... wait. Note: Pass it off as an experiment; she'll be on board.

Note again: Really, really need to talk to Benjamin. If he treats me like a servant one more time I will make sure that he'll regret it. Learn the lesson of the Irish Kings, he will: Never Piss Off The Bard. Reputation? Everything. Gods, don't these cultures know anything about keeping Face?

Nikita seems to be along my way of thinking, and as stubborn as Benjamin but he's more polite about his arrogance. Will make up to him by perhaps dinner and a business venture? He could probably appreciate the fine dining of Cairo where the others can't. Might invite Diao Chan when she needs a break from Wuyi.

Diao Chan. There's a sketch of a harried woman on the left side, but her right side is made up like a Chinese princess. I like her. She's cunning, witty, and she's still brimming with the elegance and culture that the Celestial Bureaucracy tried to shun out of her. She was assigned to Wuyi as a joke, to get both of them out of the C.B's hair much like they do anything to keep Monkey out of their affairs. Wuyi seems to like her; Diao Chan has Wuyi convinced that being a Courtesan is much like 'leveling up' in one of Wuyi's games. Maybe Diao Chan can instill some culture and bearing where I can't.

Reminder: Court Grievances with Anann before the week is out. Get the Band settled and then use the hearthstone to head back home to prepare. Gave the other stone to Wuyi already so transport is secured.

The rest of the jumbled papers are nonsense, or love poems, or sketches of three different poses of what appears to be each of the Morrigan sisters. Other sketches include fashionable dresses or ideas, names of models, names of locations. Dinner plans with investors. 

Letters #2: or Why Phase Cloak Isn't Subtle At All

Fiona,

I have no doubts that by the time you're able to understand a little of what occurred before you were born, everything will have been told and re-told until the truth is a paltry walk in the park compared to the exaggerations being heralded about. This is a side-effect of being someone of legend; if you want to ever amount to anything beyond a mere hero, you'll want to have at least one or two myths being cycled about.

Still, the truth itself isn't that boring to recollect. It started out at JFK International Airport. Your mother, Anann, isn't known publicly for her sentimentalism, but perhaps you'll understand when you find someone to share your life with -- sometimes a week isn't enough time in the world to spend with someone, and you'll, say, purchase three additional first class tickets just so you can see them off. It was one of the few times all three aspects of your mother were in the same area and if it was advantageous circumstances that allowed us another's hour worth of whispered promises and private moments because of last-minute checkups, well ... that's the benefit of marrying a woman who makes the world work for her, not the other way around.

Ask Benjamin what I mean. After all, without knowing a few select knacks, you really can't get away with joining the Mile High Club without interruptions. Also, dear daughter, when you do find that someone and you get the urge to canoodle in public? Be smart enough to realize that drawing attention to yourself by going invisible isn't the way to do it -- not to mention we all had keen enough hearing to pick up on that false start. Your mother and I raised you to some standards one would hope.

The flight sparked one of the few situations where Benjamin's upbringing much like yours will be/has been and my own was a hindrance. When you're raised in an environment and you know pretty much from the beginning that you're so much ...more ... than everyone else around you; you get arrogant. You become blind to your own faults because really, dear, you don't have faults - not when it comes to being compared to mortal excellence. Benjamin's only fault during the flight was that he thought it was a solo job, that none of the rest of us could do anything to aid him. ... Fiona, if you ever bring home a man that prefers you to stay on the sidelines because you're a woman and clearly not capable of doing a man's job ... don't expect your mother or I to even let him live without some PTSD.

Nothing the rest of us could do ... that makes me laugh. One option? It seemed our newest member was someone with a head on his shoulders and as Kelly focused up and buckled down under my command to keep the crowd in control, I overheard that he could fly as well as Benjamin could. Well there you have it. Wuyi could easily keep a hold on the wing while the other two direct her towards the engine. Once there, Nikita's mind could pick out the parts missing or damaged and Wuyi's ability to transform the world would repair it. If they were harassed, I'm sure Tal could have been of some use fighting off whatever Benjamin had saw.

Another option: one of them could have checked on the damned pilots or crew members. Kelly and I were stuck watching the coach crowd and keeping them from flying out of their seats. I had thought that Ben had everything in hand... it was then that I realized that I gave my Band entirely far too much credit as the plane started to list terribly to one side and we started dropping in altitude. Quickly.

Now, Fiona, here's why in the future, I'll be telling your eldest mother why it's perfectly all right to let you learn battle tactics from Ann and video games: I remembered a gooey water tentacle thing in a console game that had Ann and Wuyi up all night with determination to beat it ... it was capable as a liquid to grab items and hold them aloft. Thinking on that reminded me of one of those vague lessons that your eldest mother thinks I don't listen to (I really don't but sometimes they come back to me in flashes. It's not my fault I found chemistry boring) that water was capable of becoming an ... oh, what was the term ... ah yes, amorphous solid. I left Kelly in control of the crowd (give the girl a mission and she'll not let you down. Another thing Ben should realize about our youngest member) and strode back into First Class to bark orders. We had less than five minutes before the plane would hit ground and I was in no mood for second guessing. Nikita grumbled but the man did as told (there was no other plan, and his confidence was as good as mine) ...Ben followed suit quick after. The two took the ropes I weaved and started wrapping them around the airline to add their strength as opposing force to the plane's descent. I had hoped Tal would use her fire to form a backwards jet stream to enable thrust against the plane's momentum but... she sent Cal out to pull up the tail. Wuyi climbed out to use giant wings to bank and catch like a parachute.

It was a sloppy plan and it showed ... but luck and fate smiled on us and we landed the plane ... relatively safely. None of the passengers were hurt from what I could tell and a babe I had lulled to sleep at the beginning of the flight still snoozed away in his mother's arms. I'll go into detail about the later events of Cairo in another letter. I want to address a personal event that occurred away from the Band.

The first is why your mother jokes I nearly got her tossed in as a prisoner of war and why she doesn't like Ra at all. Something about reclaiming stolen rights and 'thinking he could ever match me' ... I don't know, I tune the Matron out when she's on a warpath. Sometimes it's best to just allow her to rant. Less broken priceless artifacts that way. Moving on; after your eldest mother, we call her the Librarigan (do call her that if you want to wind up grounded for a year, dear) visited me through my dreams and after spending the dream state away in her arms, discussing the company's start during the few moments we weren't ... intimate, I brought her through to Cairo proper by waking up. Unfortunately this violated some terms, Ra swooped in and I knew right there where Ben's misogyny came from. After allowing the Librarigan to depart and save face, I paid for my transgression and spoke with Ra concerning the state of succession in Egypt: namely him, Horus, and Benjamin. Ra spoke that unless Benjamin was willing to follow the way of things and marry Hathor, that he wouldn't be ever able to step up as Pharaoh ...but ... we could aid Ra in returning to the throne; gaining us a powerful ally and allowing Hathor to be with the one who truly loves her and Ben with the one he truly loves (Tal).

The next night while the Band recuperated and planned on what to do, I used the ring to visit Ann. She had chartered a boat and I spent an hour on the ocean with the woman I love and we talked about you, and that day was when Ann decided to Visit you as soon as you were born so that you could grow up without fear of anything hurting you. I also learned some things about your mother that were shocking. Namely, that she was born long, long before the Tuatha ever set foot onto Irish soil, and that she herself is an immigrant to the Emerald Isle. If you have questions, ask them of your mother for I'll not betray her secrets more than that.

The rest of the troubles in Cairo deserve their own letters or I might as well just give you a novel to read. I need to prepare to visit the Matron because we had a squabble and well, I can't truly tell you the tale of how your full-blooded sister was conceived without completely destroying any and all innocence that you have. Don't give the letter that look; you marry a fertility goddess and then tell me how long it takes before they've ploughed your fertile soil.

Rhiannon.

Ever After ...for now.

I've erased and started over six times now. I promised that I'd make these entries that I still feel so compelled to do into letters to my daughter, but this one feels more like it's for my benefit. I can't ... ... cram two weeks worth of two thousand years all into one frenzied scribble of thought, but I'll try. I haven't really had a restful night's sleep since I've arrived. I haven't really spoken to anyone in my Band unless they've hunted me down. I haven't really done anything but attempt to make up for two hundred (two thousand) years of getting it wrong when I just want to get it right. I'm wearing so many roles now that demand my upmost attention that I think I'm losing myself. Mother, lover, daughter, queen, wife, advisor ... I've neglected friend enough that when I don that one it's just a confused mask staring back at me from the mirror. 

Rhiannon hasn't always been my name. It was a moniker I donned when I fled from my past last. I changed names like a fashionista changed clothes; constantly. Each name was a new identity for me that I'd bury into to forget everything. And for a while it'd work; until Anann found me and drug me back into destiny whether I wanted to go or not.

Destiny. Tal thinks the issue with Hathor and Horus is bad? At least Ben's father is letting him have that choice. That rebellion. My arranged marriage was sealed the moment I was born. I opened my eyes and locked bleary babe eyes with the ancient stare of my future intended and fast forward two hundred years of fighting and running and sadistic desire to see the other snap.

I need a starting point or I'm just going to erase this one as well. Right. The dinner party. The one that the Morrigan in her Matron guise had been planning for nights. The night I really tapped into my unhealthy desire to push Anann just that step further. She had already burned through my will to make sure that Enech wouldn't have the ability to demand anything of me because every sense would have her imprint branded over it. I ... demanded release from her knowing full well she couldn't deny it because of that dark rapacious need. She did and then promptly took me in a way that made damned sure I remembered why the Morrigu was a goddess that you prayed not to visit you - but to never step into your life. She spoke ritual and claimed me as the mother of her heir and then stalked out to leave me with that knowledge alone.

It took Ann, dear sweet Ann who's been there since the very beginning; from that first innocent kiss to now ... to convince me not to run this time. I could hear cars pulling up and Tal's voice carrying over the wind as she talked to someone in that tone that brooked no compromise and all I really wanted to do was hide. I didn't. I stayed in that room as Ann took on my appearance and covered for me as the Matron returned and apologized. Then, by the laws of the land that she and I both loved so much; she claimed me as her wife. Two hundred years of running away from fate and it finally called for it's due.

The Morrigan and I arrived late to a tense dinner where all sides were just waiting for the sword of Damocles to drop and .... suddenly? Suddenly I didn't care about Ben's childish retorts to his father for some slight or other I didn't understand (to be fair, I still don't; even with knowing the why ... but I respect Ben's decision. After all, I fled from fate.) I didn't care that my reprimand almost cost me that meeting. I didn't care that Rupper attempted to soothe his own conscious by clearing himself of all blame. -He- was the righteous one? Please. If your friends are all jumping off a cliff and you follow ... it's your own fucking fault you dash on the rocks below with them.

The only thing I cared about in that meeting was making sure that the Greeks ddin't get My Band as their fall guys for breaking the oath to protect the Shabti. They lapsed at every turn and when it came time to pay the piper? They were grasping for loans that they couldn't afford. And I succeeded. Partly. At the least, Artemis' deadly attention would be focused on the Shabti and in that I knew my father was the best choice for Kathy.

Oh, that reminds me. When we get the chance, Wuyi and I need to head down to Fruit-Flower Mountain and just spend some time with Wukong. He's a great father to Wuyi, always wanting her to see herself as awesome as he is and ... he's nutters but I can see in him what draws me so to Wuyi. 'course now we have to study on River Dragons and if Sharks can have lasers on their head. Moving on before that distracts me too much...

Then, everything changed. That final week was ... is ...where I can say I finally stopped running. The Morrigu angered my father by refusing the handfasting ceramony when he wanted it (the moment she 'got you heavy with child!' in his opinion) but then held me close under the sprawling oak and welcomed me as a Queen alongside her. She bound me in old contract with spirit and land, and ritually dedicated me to her kingdom and while it was not the unbreakable bonds of Enech, it was enough to tide us over. She gave me a ring, a promise from her to me that she'd crafted as a gift and then we talked for a long... long time.

She told me why she bought my memories and why she was so adamant on forcing the Greeks back into the war; and then when I asked her if she had moved on when I died she went quiet, and then answered. It was to free me, in time, from my duty as Kathy's warden. I ... Anann ...oh what did she say, I know I remember it. Ah:  Seven years and I didn't even touch another out of duty. Oh don't flatter yourself entirely, at some point I would... have to move on, but I didn't. Not while I knew your ghost was still down there performing a duty so vitally important. I could wait. I did wait. I dedicated myself to winning the war in your name so that I could lift the burden from your shoulders and have you join me... even if it was as a spirit. ... 


I'm paraphrasing, but there. Anann's devotion to me and... I bawled like a bloody baby and I realized why Anann couldn't Handfast with me under Enech. Not yet. Not until her vow to pulling the Greeks back into the fight and releasing me from my pact was complete. So that's ... that's why I'm going to suck down my terrible pride and act like the leader I've accused Ben of slacking off as. When a Goddess as ... powerful as Anann vows to win a war to have you back by her side,even if it means fighting it single-handedly ... well, it makes a girl feel like the center of the universe.


Afterwards, we were happy. I was happy. Sure, she kept finding perverse pleasure making sure I'd end the nights without energy; prodding at my will until I'd rebel or snark and then strip it away with a teasing smirk. Any sane person would see this as a little unhealthy, a little too possessive and obsessive and altogether bound for ruin but it's who we are. We fight terribly still but now we make the effort to fix it ... ... ... of course her idea of fixing it was caving into my desire to see her take Wuyi and now we have a lesser Queen-Consort (who am I kidding, Anann'll never let her go past Princess-Consort) and everything's awkward to balance but it's going to work out.

However, if either of them expect me to go along with the very idea that we're having more than one child each? They're fucking insane. Anann even dared to mention thirty. THIRTY! She was joking, that much I could tell through the ring's bond but ... she's a goddess of strife and chaos. And I know her. Evil wenshahariiasdasrq

[The date log of the continued draft is twelve hours after the first draft was saved]

I'm the one labeled as insatiable and she's the one that pounces in the middle of the night. Little Miss Librarian "I Have Planning That Can't Be Disturbed" likes to play that she's above all the shenanigans of her younger 'sisters' but I now have bruises and a torn nighty to prove otherwise! Can't blame her though, Nikita ...something or other arrived today and that tall dark drink of Baron Samedi's son is our contact for getting into Egypt. He doesn't trigger Enech but he's got a command about him that's intriguing -- not appealing, just ... I'd like to see how he meshes in with the band. Also, a blonde lawyer by the name of Chastity isn't  fooling anyone.

Where was I? Oh. Right. Nikita's here because Horus and Ben are so father-and-son that even though they're both dicking the other over, they're still cooperating. It's like being back at court all over again. You can hate your family, but they're still family and all that jazz. We're leaving for Cairo within two days or so to see what we can do to figure out who the hell is fucking around with Ben's sigil. It'll be good to stretch my legs again and the Nile is the perfect backdrop for Mythic's first photo-shoot. Hell, maybe I'll ask Tal to pose in that armor she's prancing around in. We may not be on speaking terms but it's hot enough to melt butter - that's all I'll say without a jealous wife attacking4539sfllasd

[Two hours later, the draft's timestamp is updated]

I'm not going to be able to walk again. Wuyi can piggy-back me everywhere. I don't care if she's knocked up too, she's not the one that's being assaulted injustly every time she turns a corner. Ah well ... I only have a night or two more to spend with my wife. Wives? ...Hah. Wimmens. I'm the pimp, they're my bitches. I should get to my spousal duty of 'shagging the wife(wives) senseless) and wait until the right moment to see if I can convince Anann to reprimand me for that little bit of cheekiness I had during the interview. She comes up with the most delightful punishments.

Letters to nowhere...

Fiona,

Well, if I'm going to have a parasitic hellspawn feasting off my innards to grow into a squaling anklebiter, it needs a name, right? Right. And it needs some ...record of what happens. It also needs to know where it comes from, sorry. That's gonna be hard. Lemme start again.

Fiona. You won't see this until I, or one of your other mothers, deem you ready to really understand what happened before you were born, and while you grew up. There'll be times when we might have to ... leave you. Keep you somewhere safe where you'll wonder why we've abandoned you and if you weren't good enough. This... those times will hurt but I hope that this log of everything that will have occurred since the very moment of your conception will be enough of a leave for your forgiven.

I assure you, by the end of this, there may be some 'ew, Mother' moments because I'll try not to go into detail but really, your mothers? Bunch of insatiable women who can't get enough of me. I hope you inherit that. Your mother's mind, but my smokin' good looks.

I'll probably be...hmm. This is harder than I thought. The relationship with my own mother, with your grandmother Fand? It's horrible. I won't know what comes in the future, but ... at this moment? As long as I'm out of sight and mind, she couldn't care more. She didn't want me. She didn't want anything to do with me, but darling ... I swear that's not what'll happen to you.

You're going to enter into a world where everyone's looking forward to seeing you. I've got nine months of you completely screwing over my body and I'm still eager to see if you've got my hair, or Ann's eyes, or if you're going to even have some quirk of Wuyi's because she's just got a knack for dealing with children in the womb.

Gods, you're going to come into an interesting dynamic. For one, there's me. Right now I'm being forced to watch a Project Runway marathon, listening to your biological ... hmm. Ok. Anann. I'm listening to Anann critquing the contestants. That's another thing. Your mother, Anann. She's an ancient triumrivate goddess who may or may not be the most mysterious woman you'll meet, but she loves you. She wanted you so much that there may have been a little trickery to spawn you. Finally, you'll have Wuyi. She'll probably be the sane one you'll get along with. At least, she's the most normal of us all.

That and you are no bastard child. In the old ways, the ways of my birth and heritage, you are the daughter of a marriage oath. A faerie marriage oath, but that's because we Sidhe are so perfect. At everything.

You were conceived during the week or so we unwound from the problems of nflitrating and destroying partly the Keeper Facility in New York. Unlike other children, I know exactly when you were created. You, my little hellspawn, were the reason why Anann had to create a fourth aspect of herself to wander around a party filled to the brim with guests that lit up any invite list. Heh, the Maiden aspect of your mother had to sneak around looking like me because, and here's an 'ew' moment for you, but a triple sexual foray with your mother when I swear the the heavens I was just trying to get dressed will always leave me unable to walk for the next hour or so.

Oh. And dear? Never give the Matron aspect of Anann, the one who'll you'll see and think is the most beautiful mother of all of us, any cheeky orders overt or subtle unless you want to wind up doing punishment. Of course, by the time you read this... and if you're anything like me (goddess, I hope you are), you'll know that little quirk by then. I apologize ahead of time.

At least you probably won't have the embarrassing nickname that we have for Wuyi. I wonder if 'Bunny Dolphin' will still ring as delightful then as it does now. Or if harpies and art studios will still be as romantic a bonding subject as it is now.

Right. The party. Hobnob of elite guests ranging from satyrs, nymphs, fauns and a delightful badger who had the most delightful accent. Anann's known for her get-togethers. Well, the Matron aspect. The Maiden (the one who'll love you the best and she'll never, ever leave you alone I can feel that) doesn't care for them. And your eldest mother thinks they're droll, but a good social experiment.

Wuyi looked amazing in her cultural dress. The rest of your mother's crazy friends looked dashing too. Your Uncle Rupper crashed out of a window when his father, Dionysus and D's guest Artemis arrived. And then, as they walked off discussing booze-induced stories, the father of your Uncle Ben arrived.

He was accompanied by a very attractive woman with a bulls-horns symbol. I knew right away who she was... Anann quizzed me on the list before hand so I wouldn't miss a guest. She's picky. You'll learn that. Well! Horus and Hathor arrived and, thing of things, demanded that Ben leave your Aunt Tal. Leave a marriage of love, for a marriage of hono--

I'm caught. Your mother's glaring at me and has stopped rattling of all the reasons why she thinks Tim Gunn is a scion of Ogam (the sly dog). I have to attend to her or she'll pout. You'll see how it is. I'll go into the boring details of the party when I've done my wifey-duties.

Before I stop though. I don't know what our relationship will be like when you read this. Or even if Anann, Wuyi, and I will be together, or even if I'm alive. But know this: Right now? Right when you're just a bundle of cells and your mother's Matron Aspect is acting like a schoolgirl crushing on the girl she's dropping frogs on? And your Maiden mother and Wuyi are crazy balls of insanity and love? And your Crone Mother is pursing her lips at the utter foolishness of drama and pettiness?

You're loved. So much.

Love, Actually

A relationship with a Goddess, even a triple-Goddess such as the Morrigan is pretty much the same as courting the pretty girl working the graveyard shift down at the corner diner. Or the affulent business woman. Or, well, any woman. There's your ups, and your downs and I'm pretty sure I just worked in a sex joke. Hah.

Even courting a Goddess who has some hand in the weaving, bestowing, and cutting of fate should be like courting any other woman. Except when fate has had a strong role in one's relationship. And fate decrees that it'll end, as it always has before.

And that's the hardest thing to accept. I'm lying here, unable to sleep because I still need to connect the past few weeks with the past few centuries. The two me's aren't much different but I can't find it in myself to really delve into my past. Not when it's killing me that Anann's waiting for me to leave again even as she clings tight to me, even in sleep.

And it's always me who leaves. I left the Isle when she first proclaimed she loved me, back when the Roman empire wasn't yet divided. I left when we reuited in Tir Na Nog, after I had been bruised and battered in my first true fight. At every moment in history, we'd collide together and it would be this whirlwind of expectations and emotions until I was departing in the cold light of morning. Rinse and repeat gods know how many times.

Even the last time, when we traveled together for a decade and it looked like fate's warning was just a howl on the wind ... it had been more of a romance that most mortal couples will ever achieve and I still left. For the last time. I don't blame her for not wanting to see rejection a final time.

And yet, seven years later ... she's there again. Waiting for me to say yes (because it's fated I will) even though she believes I'll be gone some indeterminate time in the future. I know she probably believes it'll be Wuyi who steals me this time, but she's wrong.

The journey from the Underworld to here cemented Wuyi's place in my life, yes, and I love her. But she's not my soulmate... and that is such a cheesey word. A downside to writing in English. I'll manage.

It's not that she's innocent in this, no. She's a Goddess-Queen and it took a hundred years of  my living before she could even consider me something more than... well. Her youthful aspect and I have never really had trouble . It's why I think I was drawn to Wuyi. Don't tell either of them, but they're ...entirely alike. Full of life, energy, love.

I rambled off-topic there. Mm. My point is... my point is that even though Anann thinks that this is just another notch in our shared history she's still ... gods... doing everything right. She's willing to compromise on the magazine company I'm going to found. She's never done that before; given me command. And although her reasoning for accepting it was a little ... ok, it was arrogant and it did cause my pride some pain, I didn't snap back. I did steal one of the skirts she'd been looking at (and found it back in her bags when we got home, the thief!)

Beyond that, the past few days have been magical. Between the bouts of undescribable pleasure, just basking in her company was enough to keep a silly grin plastered to my face. It'll probably turn lewd when Wuyi wakes up from the sex-coma that young Anann put her in. At least that seems to have gone well; if Wuyi can connect with any Aspect, it'll be Ann.

Anann's stirring so I'll have to reflect on my personal past later, and then once the Band all regroups, I'll reflect on that meeting too.

As to her fears towards Fate... well, the final aspect of the trio stated it better than I ever could: "You passed on from this world, my love. More than almost any other I know that when people die at their fated time there is nothing even the Reaper may do to bring them back. And yet here you are, lying in my lap, listening to my stories, and sharing my life once more."

When I ascend to Godhood, my fate will be with Anann. This I swear.

Through the Looking Glass

It's interesting to flip back through my entries and see the journey from that sleepy village along the river to standing in the center of a Formorian-held Facility. All of that adventure summed up within a few pages of the written word.

This entry isn't much different. My part to play in the finale of our mortal lives was just one piece of a puzzle that hasnt yet been completed. There isn't much to say except that I still bolt awake at night now and scramble to find where I am ... if it's safe...

I'll go back a step or two.

Things were going terribly slow in the interview. Neither Ben nor Kelly were getting much headway into our job and another voice asking questions would make it worse so I invested myself in a excellent flash game. Soon enough, the song 'Always' embedded itself into my brain and I was whispering over Wuyi's shoulder as to how she could keep the unicorn from crashing when the sound of gunfire and screaming filtered into my awareness.

After that, the whole place kinda went tits over ass and naturally, the Band split off. Ben went to go rescue Tal. Again. The woman is like Daphne, from Scooby Doo. Wuyi, Kelly, and Rupper went to snag the Scion-To-Be.

Me? I went to shut that portal down.

I have to admit, it felt ... amazing ... to walk into a room and just own it. The space before the actual section with the portal was filled with guards and it took just one sentence. One! And they were dead, shot by their comrades and allies. It was a rush. Power is ... exhilarating. I held their lives in my hands and it was better than sex.

As they laid dead and dying, I chose quite a few to return to fight for me, to block the entrance and give me warning if Formorians approached. That covered, I stepped into the portal room. Looking back, I should have recuperated, or thought it through longer, but I had figured most of the facilities reinforcements had gone to fight the 'terrorist' attack.

I was right.

They had just left their shining blue general instead. They didn't see me at first, but barely a whisper of breath from me and he was on me. His grip was a vice on my wrist and his words were like writhing snakes in my mind. I knew it would break down any mental strength I had, but I chose what I wanted to sacrifice at that moment ...

... and it wasn't my Band...

They may drive me insane. I may think none of them are worth the time of day (besides Wuyi) but they're the only people I know and we needed this win.

It worked. He turned his attention away from the trouble outside, from the Scion he had been there to collect .. and he decided to go for me instead. It's an Irish thing. Pretty young maiden of the Tuatha ... handsome Formorian. It's like Greeks and incest. It's just going to happen.

Only trouble is, there wasn't any wooing. He just took it. Took me. This wasn't a seduction, this was a smash and grab job and by the end of it, every ... ounce of me wanted him. What little there was after all of our travels? Gone. It didn't matter. Father didn't matter. Wuyi didn't matter. Being alive didn't matter.
He mattered. Balor was what I lived for. He was what my body needed to thrive. He commanded and as his loving servant ... I obeyed. 

I know... gods... the past few journals have been... little more than angsty endevors into my 'life' but this... this monster had me quivering to please him. I'm just grateful he was more concerned about bringing me 'home' than seeing what the hell had upet his plans. That's... lovely, isn't it? And who says a pretty face can't change a war?

I joke now, but that pretty face? My pretty little face all tearstained and wide-eyed with blind devotion, with bruises on my wrist and my mind out of this world ... that sight was enough to shock me into reality again.
I didn't love him.

I loved... love Wuyi. I think I loved Anann. He was just some blue-skinned bastard who was in my way.  So I drew 'my love' down for a kiss and I put my all into it. I poured every passionately cruel thought I had towards what he'd just done and I slashed at his heel with the tidal current of my dagger.

It wasn't anything fancy. But it was enough to throw him off balance and back into the portal. He still held me but suddenly Wuyi's right there shouting my name and stabbing him with her spear. She also made a choice that day. She chose me. She chose me and I will never forget that.

We fled through the facility, running as the place came crashing down around us. I carried Wuyi up the stairs and did a slide under a Keeper. My long hair, one of my crowning glories, turned out to be a hinderence. As Wuyi cracked the floor under the Keeper, the thing grabbed onto my hair to keep from falling five stories. I didn't even need to scream ...Wuyi was there with the dagger, shearing off my hair. Then it just ... all flew by in a blur. Rupper was there and yet it was Balor asking me where we needed to go. We jumped out the building and down the wall and it's Balor standing there with a black eye and scratches on him asking us if we wanted a ride out.

He uses whatever voodoo he holds to transfer us into a crashed pile on top of a elegant bed in a bedroom that only European royalty could boast having. The librarian aspect is there, eyeing our damage... and then nothing. I just closed my eyes and waited for the day to be over.

When I had the chance, I avoided everyone, Anann included, and disappeared to head down to the poolside. I spent the first few hours in wrenching sobs about what happened at the portal. I resolved to never speak of it to anyone except Wuyi... and Anann, in time. And then I just... started to write. And write, and then continue writing. There, with my element surrounding me ... I wrote, well... this. The last hours have been nothing but retrospective knowledge and now it's time to claim my memories from Anann.

I'm ready to fill in the Missing Pieces.

((OOC Interlude))

I've been asked by a few people what I listen to when I'm getting into Rhiannon's mindset. Figured I'd throw up my playlist for her, a few are new additions thanks to Iry broadening my musical horizons.

Without further ado!

1.) The White Queen - Nox Arcana
2.) 100 Rounds The Bends - Missy Higgins
3.) Secret - Missy Higgins
4.) Steer - Missy Higgins
5.) Butterflies and Hurricanes - Muse
6.) Desert Rose - Sting
7.) Long Road Out of Eden - Eagles
8.) Night Ride Across the Caucasus - Loreena McKennit
9.) The Old Ways - Loreena McKennit
10.) Rolling in the Deep - Adele
11.) Rev 2:20 - Puscifer
12.) Whiskey Lullaby - Brad Paisley, Alison Krauss
13.) Love You - Jack Ingram
14.) Tie Up My Hands - Starsailor

The ones recently added thanks to Iry:

15.) I Will Follow You Into the Dark
16.) All I Ever Wanted - The Airborne Toxic Event
17.) Sometime Around Midnight - The Airborne Toxic Event.

There's actually more, but it's mostly instrumentals from soundtracks and Nox Arcana (I suggest checking them out, they're good!)

Keeping up with the Formorians pt. 1

You know, for the aspect known for her mind ... I'm sure the Morrigan wasn't thinking straight when she allowed Ben access to a credit card to buy whatever he wanted for our mission into the Keeper's Facility. Or when I got a hold of it for a new wardrobe.

Sure, I got the one suit ... and then paid for the rest of my purchases. Where did they go? I'll explain that in a moment. I intend to survive this and start wearing the thousand dollar suits again. You can't just fall back onto Walmart brands when your last cashmere scarf was as soft as a cloud.

Oh. Picked up a tablet too. Top of the line. After all was said and done and I was content, the librarian aspect (I have got to give the three names or it'll get awkward, I'll explain further down too.) showed up and arranged for the wardrobe I picked out to be sent 'somewhere safe' until our mission was complete. She then encrypted the tablet, took back the card, and headed off, managing to miss Wuyi's return by seconds.

I really hope she meant it when she said 'buy whatever you need'. We'll see!

I know, I know, Wuyi and I in a department store and we're not canoodling in the nearest booth? There's a reason. We fought. About the "sex curse" the Morrigan put on her because of whatever history was between them both.

Oh, and the obsession the woman has with me but that's... later. I'll go into that later when I get more answers. Where was I? Oh, yes! Shopping and discussing the sudden screeching halt on all sex-related fun times between Wuyi and myself. This is purely selfless. She doesn't want to sleep with Kelly, or hit on Tal. All right, there's a little bit in it for me. I don't want Wuyi sleeping with Kelly.

And it's because it's Kelly. Not because it's Wuyi sleeping with someone. Sex is sex. A curse isn't going to instantly make you fall in love with someone. However, give Kelly the right time of day and she'll take it wrong. And it'll blow up. Kelly doesn't deserve having false hope built up only to be crushed. Wuyi doesn't need that complexity. I don't need the drama.

We settled the geas issue with dialing it back to courting for now. I'll figure something out when it's no longer enough.

What else? Ah. Right. The Morrigan. Anann. Whoever. I took her offer. I swore to be devoted and faithful as long as she promised to never harm Wuyi. ... unfortunately a 'sex curse' doesn't count as harming. It's actually a boon. Wuyi's skills will be top-notch now.

Why did I agree? I look back and I can't... ugh. It was Rupper's fault. I may only have enough residual memory to fill a teaspoon but I had enough to stake my fucking claim when someone makes a move on what's mine. ...and that was totally creepy, but it's the truth. He moved in and I didn't want him to.

I thought I was happy with Wuyi and at first sign of trouble, I commit myself to another woman before her. I am a piece of work sometimes. I need to write the book on 'True Love: How to Show It". Fuck. Whatever.

Anann and Ben talk about the details of the 'How to Infiltrate the Formorian Base' plan while another one of her... the librarian that fuels every fetish of every schoolyard boy (and girl) strolled into view. She handed us the credit card, the passes to get into the base (reporters, clever.) and set up arrangements for the horses.

Afterwards, we all had three hours to do whatever. The Morrigan wanted to talk with Wuyi, and I needed to deliver the horses. Easy. Goddess, I only wish.

I couldn't... talk about it then, with Wuyi. Or to the others. Until the world ends again, all they'll know is that I went to drop off the horses and I want it to stay that way. I don't... it's... fuck. Hard to type. Give me another death in the family. At least I can pass the anger off to someone else. Blame someone else.

I screwed up a few days ago with the Smiling Man. I foolishly made a deal with him that was terribly lop-sided in his favor. He just gives off a dangerous aura, but I wasn't thinking straight.

He came to collect. After I dropped Fabio off.

There wasn't anything physically troubling. He was as 'charming' as always. But I don't think he was going to take 'now's not the time' for the answer again. I panicked. I tried to stall for time but it was useless. Who the hell would know where I even was?

Sex is sex. It's a natural itch to scratch and that's never bothered me until now, when I'm faced with going through the motions with someone who terrifies me with what he could do.

Then I noticed the birds. Ravens. Crows. I can't tell the difference. They started gathering more and more around me. Around him. And then? Then they attacked. three dozen crows pecking at eye and skin is a disturbing sight but they scared him off. One of them, the largest, most elegant looking one ... locked gazes with me.

I don't know what to think. Wuyi swears she's crazy, and a stalker, but she just saved me from a very unpleasant experience. Add that in with Wuyi ranting up and down about how the Morrigan said she and I were meant to be together, that we lasted the ages ... I don't know.

It's confusing and I have literally nothing to go on but the spur of the moment. The here and now. And I'm not sure I want to keep going on empty. I need my memories back.

...

I need to talk to Anann. I'll record the events in the facility when that's done.

Exit Strategy

First off:

Rupper. Ben. Horses. Bridges. Sewers. Alien tentacle hentai monsters. Hormonal teenaged boys. Crows. ... yeah, that's about it.

All of those things? Right up there? They share the basic common idea that I hate every single one of them right about now. A hate that's... ok, I can't hate Rupper. He's too charming in a laid-back stoner way. And Ben's a brother-in-law who's really hot, but so family-like you really can't get interested.

...his daughter on the other hand. Hmm.

I'll back up a bit and explain that our escape from the sewers was basically the plot to some demented hentai manga that Wuyi will swear she never reads, but that she does, and I've stolen a look from. After Fabio led us a little badly, we followed Tal's insistance to go with the flow, so to speak. Rupper had takena  side-trip to mingle with the muggles and catch up on news.

Yeah, no, we weren't going back tot he ship. Even if it was being surrounded by the National Guard. We JUST left it.

Sewer ends in a waterfall of disgusting down into a large basin. Over the chasm is our ticket to freedom. Only problem is there's no bridge. Ben dives into the basin to lift up the bridge and holy hell I know we're the children of gods but it still sets me back whenever any of us do something amazing. Wuyi leaps to the other side waiting for Ben to lift the bridge so she can force it into place and Sawu, the evil spider, is right there helping her.

And suddenly, as if they knew there was a cute, teenaged Asian girl right there, a tentacle monster pops up and there's no damned way we can get the horses across with it being able to move freely in the water-- even if Tal's throwing fireballs at it, I can't risk any horse getting hurt... so I jump.

I freeze the water as soon as I can and rush to the side, demanding Ben to pick me up as soon as the last horse is over and he can drop the bridge on the frozen... creature.

I wash quickly after that, turning the caldroun of water Wuyi thoughtfully cummoned into a fountain. I strip and bathe. Ben does too. The rest just wash off the basic grime but I want to never talk, or write, about what I just went through.

To get out of the sewers, Wuyi and I bribe a boy with hot girl on girl action and breasts. It's... not even worth mentioning that Ben thought learning how to handle guns was any comparison unless ---*there's a break in the writing, then something hastily scribbled out*

If I write it, Tal will sense it and I'm NOT going back to fighting with her. I'm trying to not fight with Kelly, which is kinda funny because she's using Ben as some sort of shield and Tal, of all people, is geting jealous of Kelly, who I know Ben sees as a daughter and it's all... hah. Glad it's not me!

So, out in a parking lot, I'm arguing with the boy and I snatch his phone. Too late to prevent Wuyi and I from lighting up the porn version of youtube. I demand royalties. Ben and Rupper pick a fight with these gangbangers who are messing with an old woman pushing a shopping cart around.

The crow's vanished, and I'm accusing Wuyi about the bird lying to her and she gets this crestfallen look on her face when I jest about no sex for a week when the damned crow comes back, saying his delievered his message. Liar. Pepper said he only talked to the bag.... lady.

Yeah. Right there was when some residual memory trickled back about the Morrigan being known for disguising herself as an old woman. I'm still trying to wrap my head around it all when Rupper gets the boys to strip and bolt. I go to grab too-big jeans and a hoodie when that voice starts to speak.

I don't need memories for my body to react. It just knew. Turning around and seeing her again only made it worse, as... well, in the eyes of Fate I had to reclaim that notch on the bedpost for my, ah, portfolio of conquests. I looked forward to it.

Her and Ben talked strategy. She informed us that her, Tal's Father, Susan-o and, oh bloody hell I forget the fourth general were the generals of the Overworld War against the titans. We finally got some answers as to why we were dead in the Underworld of the Greeks and partly why they were mad at us. The Aesir were being cowards -- which is odd -- for them at least.

Our next few steps were laid out for us and all during this Wuyi's puffing up territoriality, glaring at Anann like she was some demon from hell and it's flattering but unnecessary. Anann mentions that part of her plan has us becoming villains to quite possibly serve as a distraction until the real plans fall into plan. There's a prophecy too.

I hate prophecies. I really do. And being ignored, even if it's politely done.

And all during this, she's being polite, cordial even -- even the mention that she's been keeping an eye on us since we came back to life (and that's creepy-hot. More creepy.) sounded like they were exchanging opinions on the weather when Wuyi finally demanded what I had been asking: about my memories (which are needed.)

Again, like they weren't discussing anything more serious than the weather, Anann gives her terms. Me. She wants me back. Completely.

Fuck.

Shadow Broker

I'll remember the next time I'm in the middle of a fit, that I'll set down the pen and paper and go for a long, long stroll through the nearest brothel to clear my head. Maybe share a drink or seven with the girls and try to remind myself with the drink that ripping apart small children is not an effective way to cope with tragedy, although it was a delight while it lasted.

At our next real rest stop, I'll snatch up a nearby cute and fluffy animal and present it to Kelly and gain forgiveness. Or let the evil spider murder it. Whichever works.

Fine. I'll say it. I'm rambling about bunny rabbit presents and whores because I'm trying to push away the memories of the past and the fact that evil smiling guy who hit on me not ten minutes after learning that my mother was dead was NOT, in fact, eaten by the sharks as I so desperately hoped for. Oh, and the fact that Tal's pregnant.

And that we've signed ourselves over for a 'to-be-determined' task in the future to some creepy Shadow Broker.

OH! And the bloody fact that my life's memories have become a series of porno flicks for Tal's dad, Rupper's dad, and my ex -- is it ex? I hope we parted well. We should have, I mean, I -died- and that really can't be held against me. Right?. From hence forth, they're known as the League of Perverts and I need to sit down and figure out who's parent I have NOT slept with yet.

Oh, and all of that is to cover up my annoyance that Wuyi rebelled, on all things, over feeding a grimly, ugly little minion of the Keepers to my horses. We had just removed them from the ship and they were looking peakish and we could have talked about the flesh-eating-fillies BEFORE the unloading at the dock.

Ugh. Regardless, creepy-smiley-man, who I still need to get eaten by something got us out of the Formorian docks and into the sewers. Where we wound up talking to the Shadow Broker and from there.... learned about the League of Perverts and came to the conclusion that it was about time we called on the gods that held our memories and start gaining some powers back because if we were... if we were young gods when we died, and that didn't stop the keepers ... we need to get back that strength and more if we're going to do it this time.

Also. Sex is sewers? NOT. COOL. Ugh, I reek.

All right, looks like everyone's trudging back. Might as well go find the boy-minion, and pray to the raven so I can submit myself to yet another god to get my life back.

This. Fucking. Sucks.

Thunder Rolls

I don't even know where to begin discussing the events after my Father restored us to life. There's ... so many small intricies that weave together to form one large convoluted knot of ...something. I should start from the beginning.

I spent that day, for the most part, with my Father learning about the horses. When he decided it was time, we went into the barn to question the ghost of the formorian. Everything was tense... but workable for the moment. Between Kelly, myself, Rupper, and Wuyi we learned that the formorians were the Keepers controlling the major governments at the time, and that they were working on alliances with other pantheons, the aztec included.

If Tal or Ben had been there, instead of off dicking around, we could have learned more but that's bygones. For when everyone left to head inside for food, Wuyi cornered me concerning Tal and after that fight was somewhat managable Tal herself came in and it was... again... all about how -I- betrayed -her- and I should be begging for forgiveness and -- in the end it was far too emotional to deal with, so I didn't. I didn't want to deal with whatever insanity Tal thinks I imposed upon her. Sleeping with her father was an impluse that had nothing to do with her and I don't see the comparison to her past. No matter how cruel a past that it was.
That completely at a stand-still, Wuyi and I talked some more and at least one thing in my new life went right as she forgave me.

Then it all went to hell. I... it's hard to write it on paper without wanting to hurt something. Someone. Ben. If he hadn't made her, if he hadn't of bound her in that shell of naviety and innocence, then this wouldn't have happened. I wouldn't have died. I wouldn't have ...

I'll get straight to it. Mona's... dead. Gone. Kathy killed her, though from her pleas, she didn't mean to. She called me on the reward I promised her and even through my own wants, I knew that a Tuatha never broke their oath. So I didn't. I rewarded her with the gift of life. With the 'honor' of becoming my sister in the eyes of fate and family.

Then I left the island.

I dragged down our box of relics and we were met by some smiing strange man who eyed me like a piece of meat and I wanted to slam his face into the hull for the thought.

I didn't know how to process Mona's death. I still don't. It's some ball of lead that's sitting in my chest and I'm trying my best to just... ignore it. But it's hindering everything. I screwed up making that deal with our benefactor. It was sex for.... abslutely nothing that he adn't told us before. Sure, Kelly got a memory out of it but... it reminded me I needed to keep distant. I couldn't treat life like I did in the Elysian Fields.

Of course, before I could even process -that- ... Poseideon, the fuck, decided he'd get his free lick in and tried to drown us. I put everything in shielding us from the main force of the tsunami and Kelly's sand wall helped too, though it was exhausting and my arms shook from the force. I wasn't like the others, I didn't have ichor coating my muscles to make me stronger. It left me bruised and exhausted and of course.... of fucking course the boat started to sink.

Why wouldn't it? I mean, nothing else had gone right today. Mother's dead, Sea-God killing us, Sex-Deal gone wrong... now a boat sinking in the middle of the ocean with sharks waiting to swoop in. Sharks.

Right. Well, although I was feeling like I'd want to go punch something to keep from crying, I stripped and jumped in the water to keep the sharks at bay. I don't give a flying seagull that Tal thinks she's the speediest runner, she was in MY element and needed my help to get us through.

We connected with a ship and... one moment. I need to go ... not write about this.

......

I'm sorry. I had to step away. I, well, after some havoc getting aboard and a discussion with the captain, Rupper, Wuyi, and I chased after Rex and we decided to look in the cargo hold of the ship. That went... terribly.

I had a guard seduced, ready to listen to my whims when a ghost walked through him and startled me. No. I won't lie on this. Scared me. Scared me enough that my commands went haywire and affected the ghost, not the guard. Shaken, I returned to the cabin and aided Ben in crushing the spirit of a poor girl caught up in a mess way too big for her. I enjoyed it too, the interplay between him and me and I rode that high to crush down all the fucking lows I've been through that day and took it all out on Kelly.

Fucking Kelly.

For the most part, she's clueless. Bumbling around and hoping for the best from every situation and the good from everyone. It's her fault Mona died. Hers! If she had just stayed in the damned kitchen, she could have caught Kathy before the accident. If she had just stayed out of mine and Tal's fight because that was none of her gods-damned business she could have protected my mother.

But no. She was Kelly. Implusive. Rash. Always wanting to make things worse and of course, it happened again. She tried to lie about it, but no one bullshits me and no one bullshits Ben. I cornered the girl into a chair and proceeded to... well... it felt good. As long as I was tearing her down, I wasn't feeling down myself. I didn't even care about the crewmember killed. Mortals die when we're around. I cared that she lied. Again. She just fucked off again.

And she didn't give a damn about what her actions cost us. AGAIN.

Ben pulled me away before I could really cause trauma, though, and we went down into the hold properly and I saw... the most majestic horses to ever stride the earth. They were beauties and they were predators. Deadly, wonderous creatures that I had to make mine. I ignored the others in favor of a stallion that shamed any mundane horse. We spoke at length, well... I praised and flattered and he preened and soaked it like a sponge.

In the end, I allowed him to take us into his herd with me as his equine... ah... equal and as our first act, they tore apart the jailor that was fattening them and our foals for the fodder of the formorians.

There may be trouble with the captain, of course, but if social bribery won't protect us, then the hooves and fangs of my herd will.

Interlude

I took this after my talk with Father. The rest of the Band wasn't around and I felt like still having some alone time with my own thoughts. I'm reading and re-reading Father's notebook in preparation for our next talk later. Hopefully with less revelations.

I know the talk recently has been shucking off one's old fate, and I know that we've been using that for Kathy's rehabilitation but what if Tal's view is correct? You can't change evil, or callous, or fate, or whatever you want to say makes you what you are. She says it's Kathy's fate to become whatever she is/was.

Does that mean that I'm going to revert too? Now that I have connections and faces and words linking the whats of my personality to the whys, will I fall back into being that mouse waiting for the hawk to swoop in and claim me? Father said she twisted fate for me, and was after me for years. What if whatever she did is ingrained and I can't escape it? Much like Tal's harping on about Kathy.

I know I will strive to the best of my ability to make sure that Father is always proud of me, but beyond that? I think I've already made my choice. I chose the geas over Tal's needs. I chose it over Wuyi even though right now Wuyi's more than happy to come along for the ride, so to speak.

If Tal is right, and every choice we make concerning Kathy leads to the same fated conclusion, just with a different path to get there ... then I guess I already know the answer.

Pity.

Wild Horses

We, well Ben, Tal, and Wuyi carried Enbarr back on a slab. Rupper stayed behind to tend to Cerberus for a while longer. After we returned to the cottage, Wuyi remembered that Kathy was on the beach so Kelly and I agreed to go with her to collect the girl.

I went mostly so I wasn’t alone with the married couple. Even a harmless joke to Ben about always listening to the wife got me a glare from Tal. Apparently just breathing was enough to annoy her now. Whatever. I needed to cool off so stayed quiet on the approach to the beach.

Of course, it wasn’t as simple as “find Kathy building a sandcastle, collect Kathy, go back’. She was missing and after Kelly and Wuyi spotted tracks, we landed in a field where I could smell pipesmoke and the most beautiful music was just out of range. Before me the air shimmered like a summer’s day and without a glance to Tal’s arrival (really? REALLY? For the love of the Ocean, hound me here too?!) I stepped forward onto a fairy ring dancing the night away and after the host greeted us; I really stepped forward onto the fairy ring to dance the night away.

I don’t recall anything but the music, Wuyi beside me, and the wisps swirling around until the music stopped and howls were cresting the ridge. Wuyi grabbed me and Kathy, Tal snatched up Kelly and we moved light lightning to get out of reach of Cerberus’ jaws. Behind us a lone brownie trapped near the dog just… started to toot on his bottle and it bloody worked! Cerberus fell, snoring, and the poor fairy was left there to just keep blowing.

At home, the fight over Kathy reared up again. Wuyi, Kelly, and I wanted to take Manannan up on his offer and raise her, like he did with me. Tal was against it, of course, Ben naturally sided with her, and Rupper went with them. Stalement. The usual.

Then Tal went and called me a whore. Well, to be fair, she called Wuyi a whore, and selfish and Wuyi isn’t either, but everyone in that room knew that those comments were directed more at me. So it escalated from there. I know the men tried to ease the tension but after Father mentioned that the curse on Ben would be lifted after a good amount of attempts, I couldn’t help myself.

I casually told Wuyi that now Tal would have to whore herself out to break the curse and that just set Tal off. I knew I had gone too far, but seeing her there crying on the floor… I couldn’t deal. I refused to deal with it. She made it seem like it was a betrayal against her, that it was all about her and it wasn’t! Does she think I enjoy being forced to seduce anyone who dazzles me with a damned smile? In a sense, it’d a forced arrangement, no matter if I go willingly. No, of course not. All she considers me is a damned whore.

I wasn’t going to end up destroying myself for her, or for anyone. I told her as much and walked out. I chose a mare for my father’s ritual and he performed it and…

I had four legs, a tail, and damn am I hot as a human. And as a horse. I gave my father the best horsey glare I could as he did the change for the others, Tal being suspicious. Why couldn’t she just accept anything? Wuyi gave me an odd look, and I figured it’d be best to avoid the others for the day. I explored my childhood on the island, splashed through rivers, raced over fields, outran a Kelpie stallion… and fell, exhausted and dreamt of Enbarr. When I awoke again, I was human. I was myself, and I knew that Enbarr’s majesty still flowed through my blood.

My first action was to find Father and talk. About everything. So I did. Maybe I’ll discuss that in another entry. Maybe. It’s still… hard to take in, and now I’m not sure if I’m even worthy of a new life. But I’ll try.

Three Dog Night

If I felt that the arrival and departure a day afterwards in Huitzilopochtli’s palace had been an emotional rollercoaster, then the return to my childhood home was a hurricane. Father, Manannan mac Lir, was jovial and pleasant. Unlike the aloof pride I saw in Huitzilopochtli’s eyes for Tal, I felt that there was perhaps a more informal bond between him and I. Whereas Huitzilopochtli tried to bribe us to keep us in the realm of the dead, Father agreed to restore us to life, in exchange for a quest.

I expected that much, we were Danann after all.

The quest itself seemed simple on the outside. Rescue the horses stolen; especially the prized stallion Enbarr. I tried to cut out a step by questioning the dead Alpha, but apparently my control over the dead wasn't as strong as I’d liked because the answers were lies and tricks.

We tracked the wolves to their den. Ben and Rupper came up with a plan to distract the wolves while a team went in to rescue the horses. I was disappointed that I wasn’t chosen to go in… they were my father’s horses, shouldn’t I have done more than stand and wait? Still, Tal was being tetchy and I really didn’t want another fight bubbling up. So I agreed and sat back to wait for everyone else to complete the quest I was supposed to have a part in.

Tal had reason to stay in the woods. She was far too wounded. Rupper was the key to luring the wolves, so he had to stay. I… just twiddled my thumbs and thought of questions to ask of Mona and Father when I returned.

It was a while before one of the wolves broke away from the chaos at the den to try and escape with horseflesh. I sent him scurrying back into his companion’s waiting jaws and couldn’t help but smirk at the display when I heard growling behind me.

Thinking a wolf had circled around, I turned to see Cerberus. Cerberus. All six tons, three heads, drooling fire of him and he was not happy. Rupper tried to soothe him. First with words, then with song, and Cerberus knocked each attempt from him. Tal distracted him by running crazily through the woods.

I realized that running like a chicken with it’s head cut off would only aggravate the beast further and grabbed for Rupper’s guitar. He soothed Hypnos with the guitar, and he was going to try the same with Cerberus. Perhaps I could do the same. So I sang. I poured everything into my song as I slowly approached the rampaging hellhound and ... it worked! Cerberus collapsed, snoring, and we extracted Rupper and he took over the singing. Which was fine, because he had the pipes for it.

Cerberus contained properly, I turned to the fight spilling out of the cave, but the three there had it handled. The hag, an ugly blue witch of a woman who reminded me of the Formorians I vaguely remembered, cursed Ben to always wither before victory and then promptly died. Worked for me, plus that spiteful nature in me was sated when the curse would punish both Tal and Ben.

It’s unfair and it’s cruel and I’m trying to understand why being so callous is coming so easily to me… but I was glad to see her suffer a bit. She was treating me unfairly for the situation at Huitzilopochtli’s place and I was growing tired of her sniping about it. This would at least give her her own curse to worry about.

After that, we headed in to tend to the horses, tired, but victorious.