Interlude

I took this after my talk with Father. The rest of the Band wasn't around and I felt like still having some alone time with my own thoughts. I'm reading and re-reading Father's notebook in preparation for our next talk later. Hopefully with less revelations.

I know the talk recently has been shucking off one's old fate, and I know that we've been using that for Kathy's rehabilitation but what if Tal's view is correct? You can't change evil, or callous, or fate, or whatever you want to say makes you what you are. She says it's Kathy's fate to become whatever she is/was.

Does that mean that I'm going to revert too? Now that I have connections and faces and words linking the whats of my personality to the whys, will I fall back into being that mouse waiting for the hawk to swoop in and claim me? Father said she twisted fate for me, and was after me for years. What if whatever she did is ingrained and I can't escape it? Much like Tal's harping on about Kathy.

I know I will strive to the best of my ability to make sure that Father is always proud of me, but beyond that? I think I've already made my choice. I chose the geas over Tal's needs. I chose it over Wuyi even though right now Wuyi's more than happy to come along for the ride, so to speak.

If Tal is right, and every choice we make concerning Kathy leads to the same fated conclusion, just with a different path to get there ... then I guess I already know the answer.

Pity.

Wild Horses

We, well Ben, Tal, and Wuyi carried Enbarr back on a slab. Rupper stayed behind to tend to Cerberus for a while longer. After we returned to the cottage, Wuyi remembered that Kathy was on the beach so Kelly and I agreed to go with her to collect the girl.

I went mostly so I wasn’t alone with the married couple. Even a harmless joke to Ben about always listening to the wife got me a glare from Tal. Apparently just breathing was enough to annoy her now. Whatever. I needed to cool off so stayed quiet on the approach to the beach.

Of course, it wasn’t as simple as “find Kathy building a sandcastle, collect Kathy, go back’. She was missing and after Kelly and Wuyi spotted tracks, we landed in a field where I could smell pipesmoke and the most beautiful music was just out of range. Before me the air shimmered like a summer’s day and without a glance to Tal’s arrival (really? REALLY? For the love of the Ocean, hound me here too?!) I stepped forward onto a fairy ring dancing the night away and after the host greeted us; I really stepped forward onto the fairy ring to dance the night away.

I don’t recall anything but the music, Wuyi beside me, and the wisps swirling around until the music stopped and howls were cresting the ridge. Wuyi grabbed me and Kathy, Tal snatched up Kelly and we moved light lightning to get out of reach of Cerberus’ jaws. Behind us a lone brownie trapped near the dog just… started to toot on his bottle and it bloody worked! Cerberus fell, snoring, and the poor fairy was left there to just keep blowing.

At home, the fight over Kathy reared up again. Wuyi, Kelly, and I wanted to take Manannan up on his offer and raise her, like he did with me. Tal was against it, of course, Ben naturally sided with her, and Rupper went with them. Stalement. The usual.

Then Tal went and called me a whore. Well, to be fair, she called Wuyi a whore, and selfish and Wuyi isn’t either, but everyone in that room knew that those comments were directed more at me. So it escalated from there. I know the men tried to ease the tension but after Father mentioned that the curse on Ben would be lifted after a good amount of attempts, I couldn’t help myself.

I casually told Wuyi that now Tal would have to whore herself out to break the curse and that just set Tal off. I knew I had gone too far, but seeing her there crying on the floor… I couldn’t deal. I refused to deal with it. She made it seem like it was a betrayal against her, that it was all about her and it wasn’t! Does she think I enjoy being forced to seduce anyone who dazzles me with a damned smile? In a sense, it’d a forced arrangement, no matter if I go willingly. No, of course not. All she considers me is a damned whore.

I wasn’t going to end up destroying myself for her, or for anyone. I told her as much and walked out. I chose a mare for my father’s ritual and he performed it and…

I had four legs, a tail, and damn am I hot as a human. And as a horse. I gave my father the best horsey glare I could as he did the change for the others, Tal being suspicious. Why couldn’t she just accept anything? Wuyi gave me an odd look, and I figured it’d be best to avoid the others for the day. I explored my childhood on the island, splashed through rivers, raced over fields, outran a Kelpie stallion… and fell, exhausted and dreamt of Enbarr. When I awoke again, I was human. I was myself, and I knew that Enbarr’s majesty still flowed through my blood.

My first action was to find Father and talk. About everything. So I did. Maybe I’ll discuss that in another entry. Maybe. It’s still… hard to take in, and now I’m not sure if I’m even worthy of a new life. But I’ll try.

Three Dog Night

If I felt that the arrival and departure a day afterwards in Huitzilopochtli’s palace had been an emotional rollercoaster, then the return to my childhood home was a hurricane. Father, Manannan mac Lir, was jovial and pleasant. Unlike the aloof pride I saw in Huitzilopochtli’s eyes for Tal, I felt that there was perhaps a more informal bond between him and I. Whereas Huitzilopochtli tried to bribe us to keep us in the realm of the dead, Father agreed to restore us to life, in exchange for a quest.

I expected that much, we were Danann after all.

The quest itself seemed simple on the outside. Rescue the horses stolen; especially the prized stallion Enbarr. I tried to cut out a step by questioning the dead Alpha, but apparently my control over the dead wasn't as strong as I’d liked because the answers were lies and tricks.

We tracked the wolves to their den. Ben and Rupper came up with a plan to distract the wolves while a team went in to rescue the horses. I was disappointed that I wasn’t chosen to go in… they were my father’s horses, shouldn’t I have done more than stand and wait? Still, Tal was being tetchy and I really didn’t want another fight bubbling up. So I agreed and sat back to wait for everyone else to complete the quest I was supposed to have a part in.

Tal had reason to stay in the woods. She was far too wounded. Rupper was the key to luring the wolves, so he had to stay. I… just twiddled my thumbs and thought of questions to ask of Mona and Father when I returned.

It was a while before one of the wolves broke away from the chaos at the den to try and escape with horseflesh. I sent him scurrying back into his companion’s waiting jaws and couldn’t help but smirk at the display when I heard growling behind me.

Thinking a wolf had circled around, I turned to see Cerberus. Cerberus. All six tons, three heads, drooling fire of him and he was not happy. Rupper tried to soothe him. First with words, then with song, and Cerberus knocked each attempt from him. Tal distracted him by running crazily through the woods.

I realized that running like a chicken with it’s head cut off would only aggravate the beast further and grabbed for Rupper’s guitar. He soothed Hypnos with the guitar, and he was going to try the same with Cerberus. Perhaps I could do the same. So I sang. I poured everything into my song as I slowly approached the rampaging hellhound and ... it worked! Cerberus collapsed, snoring, and we extracted Rupper and he took over the singing. Which was fine, because he had the pipes for it.

Cerberus contained properly, I turned to the fight spilling out of the cave, but the three there had it handled. The hag, an ugly blue witch of a woman who reminded me of the Formorians I vaguely remembered, cursed Ben to always wither before victory and then promptly died. Worked for me, plus that spiteful nature in me was sated when the curse would punish both Tal and Ben.

It’s unfair and it’s cruel and I’m trying to understand why being so callous is coming so easily to me… but I was glad to see her suffer a bit. She was treating me unfairly for the situation at Huitzilopochtli’s place and I was growing tired of her sniping about it. This would at least give her her own curse to worry about.

After that, we headed in to tend to the horses, tired, but victorious. 

Short, Choppy, and Wet.

Sometimes I wonder if Tal was an actress in our past lives. She loves the dramatic. After stabbing herself, Wuyi struggled to keep her alive as we landed on the shores of the Emerald Isle. My home. Fate, luck, or cunning design brought us here but I didn’t care for the moment. We needed Tal to be better and so after a struggle with Sawu’s silk, we lowered her to the water and I brought her along the land to find Ben.

We heard gunshots and I saw the birds circling in the sky a few miles inward. Tal was babbling nonsense to me as we approached, and once there, I saw Ben accosting a harmless old woman. After a quick conversation where she said she knew me, we were brought inside and promptly fed. It wasn’t as extravagant as Big H’s pad, but it was more… cozy. Comfy. It was quaint and home-like and I adored it. I told Mon a bit of what happened to us and our memories and she revealed that she was my step-mother. After that, I wanted to know everything. Especially the recipe to this delicious soup.

We spent a while chatting, while Rupper properly stitched up Tal. Then Ben announced we had wolves, big wolves, attacking the horses. Between him, Rupper, and Tal, they managed to kill the leader and scare off the rest. Tal tore out her stitches and Ben decided he was too good to walk on the earth and so started flying. FLYING. Lovely. He’s the grumpiest angel I know at any rate.

Tal was patched up. Again. And Ben announced we had another visitor. Again.

Said visitor turned out to be the owner of the house and… my father.

I’m not sure if I was excited or terrified.